It could be a look or how you walk into a room. Your co-workers have been trained to recognize these signals and treat you accordingly. We learn these social cues at a young age.

It’s hard to break these habits. We can’t walk around with a friend who is willing to hold a giant mirror so we can see how we look in every situation.

What can I do? I want my co-workers to like me and treat me with respect.

I used two easy tricks that worked well for me. I was not a naturally outgoing person who wanted to enter the room with a bang. You may be shy too, but you can learn to adjust your body signals so people like and respect you. You’ll be giving me silent thanks when your co-workers start smiling when you walk in the room.

If you want everyone to like you then…

1. Treat Everyone Like Family

The best way to be liked is to like others. I know that we’ve all heard this, but it’s true. When you walk into the room think of them as family and know that they love you even if they don’t show it.

When I stopped worrying about what people at work thought of me, I just treated everyone like they were a brother or sister. If they did something stupid I laughed. If I did something stupid I laughed at myself. Family is meant to share in misery and victory. So allow these people into your life. You don’t need to tell them about your latest ailment and what the doctor is doing for you, but share your feelings with them. How to Get Your Boss Naked explains how to open up the emotional barrier that will bring you closer. This works for co-workers too.

Make sure you start slowly when you become friendlier to your co-workers. The best way is not to start right off talking about yourself, but listening to them. People want to be around great listeners because they can do all the talking. You’ve noticed how most people just want to tell you about their lives. Let them do it, and the next time you see them ask how their son, daughter or whatever they talked about was doing. You’ve just made a friend for life.

Getting people to like you is not that hard. Make sure that they know you like them first. People don’t want to put themselves out there and get burned, but now you know better. The only way to make friends is to give 60% and only expect 40% back. This works in any relationship whether it be personal or business related.

By treating everyone as family, your body signals should change. When you love someone you are more confident and willing to approach them. You aren’t afraid of what they think because you have the family connection.

2. Retrain How They View You

I’m a man of average height: 5’ 10” with shoes on. I have soft brown eyes and a pleasant demeanor. This doesn’t command respect in most organizations, so I have to work for it.

You can retrain how a person views your body signals by showing them how you want to be treated. This is hard for the shy person because it means you have to be assertive. It’s very simple. If you walk into a room and someone tries to intimidate you with a loud voice, you do your best to mirror their response. Easy to write, but hard to implement.

You can practice this by actually having a work shop at home with friends and family. A workshop at home? Are you crazy? Well, if you want to put it that way then yes. I want you to practice with people that you trust. Try to explain what is happening at work and roleplay with them until you have it down. Then when you go into work try relaxing and just having fun with the person as you respond back. See above Treat Everyone Like Family to take on this mindset.

The world often will laugh with you if you are laughing. Most people want you to reciprocate the greeting that they’ve given you. If they are excited to see you then let them know you appreciate it with an excited greeting back. This will gain you respect because it shows that you aren’t afraid of that person. We are still animals and people can sense fear by the way you position your body. So by mimicking their reaction you are telling them that you belong on their level.

I had trouble with bullying at work a few years ago. The group picking on me wouldn’t have called it bullying, but it was and it bothered me. They made fun of me, in a little brother way. Laughing at my clothes or a comment I made. I would get upset and just wait for them to get tired and stop teasing me. One time I blew up and let them know that they were going too far. They stopped for a little while, but eventually their old habits came back, so I tried a new tactic. I began to laugh with them, joining in on making fun of me. I never put myself down, but was always willing to laugh at myself. They understood this type of behavior and began treating me as a friend. You can’t take things too personally at work, otherwise your thin skin will bleed, not literally but figuratively. You’ll slowly get angrier and work will only get worse.

Please don’t try to change your personality. You need to be you, but following the social rules at your work will help you get the respect that you need.

Love and Respect at Work

You deserve to have a great working environment and I will write about design, managers, and great companies, but one of the greatest skills you can learn is to enhance your emotional intelligence. People with a high EQ are the ones that make friends and enjoy their job.

Improving your EQ is easy when you take baby steps. Most people don’t come out of college with a high EQ, it’s something they slowly develop through the years. Next time you feel like you aren’t getting the love and respect that you deserve, try to give them the love that they need or use the mirroring technique. Your EQ will jump a few points, making working life just a little more enjoyable.

What is your greatest emotional strength? Mine would probably be the ability to see situations from multiple angles. Responding to this question is not about being conceded; it’s about understanding who you are at work and how to maximize your potential. So let us know what makes you good at what you do.

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There are people who create their work atmosphere and then there are people who let their work atmosphere create them.

“Recreate yourself in and through your environment and shape the resulting atmosphere until it is yours.”
- Alexander Becker

A good friend of mine has a father who makes friends instantly by getting people involved. When John speaks with you, he looks you in the eye. He laughs easily and doesn’t mind letting you dominate the conversation. He’ll talk about sports, politics, religion, barbeque, video games, and relationships because he knows that you want to talk about what interests you. He doesn’t force the conversation around what he knows, but allows it to move where it naturally wants to go.

All of his wonderful social attributes help him create his environment, but this isn’t the reason for his success. What makes John special is his ability to allow his natural personality to engage others. He’s not afraid of you; he wants to get to know you better. He wants to love you.

He figures out a way to love you by giving his attention to you. Everyone responds to someone that shows interest in who they are. The first time I ever met him, I knocked on his front door, he opened it then smiled and said, “Welcome!” With such enthusiasm that you couldn’t help but feel loved. “I’ve heard so much about you. Please come in.”

He didn’t have any fear. He welcomed me into his home like I was an old friend. I instantly liked him.

I thought about why he didn’t have any fear. How was he able to generate such a loving feeling from me? The answer was in him. He didn’t have any fear because he knew that I would like him. And I did. He didn’t have any fear because it didn’t matter whether I liked him or not, all that mattered to him was that he extended his friendship to me. It was up to me to accept.

As I’ve watched him operate over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed that he’s never afraid to give his opinion because he believes in it. He has reasons to back up his choices, but doesn’t fight for them. If someone doesn’t agree with him, he doesn’t care if you are on his side because he accepts your feelings and enjoys the discussion.

John is able to create his environment because he takes pleasure in the people he’s with. He never worries about what you are thinking because he can’t change that. He is who he is because he accepts himself and you accept him because it feels right.

You can create your own environment wherever you go if you use John’s techniques:

1. Give yourself to others.

(When you give your love and attention to other people they will reflect it back to you. Most people are like mirrors waiting to see how you treat them before they decide how they will treat you.)

2. Stop worrying about what other people think of you.

(When you trust yourself you’ll stop worrying about other people’s judgments.)

3. Let your personality shine out.

(If people aren’t enjoying the real you then you aren’t giving them a chance to love you.)

By applying these techniques, you can create the work atmosphere that makes you the happiest. When you are happy the people around you will feed off of your positive actions, helping to make work fun.

Related Articles:

• Renew Your Thoughts to Improve Your Work Outlook
• Use Your Imagination
• Positive Belief

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Steve Pavlina wrote an article “How to Be a Man.” At first I was like whatever. You can’t put us all in a little box. As I read I understood his reasoning for his article. He wanted us to understand our true potential. He wrote about what all men are really capable of being if they let go of their fear. All of us actually put ourselves in a box. We try to define who we are by what we’ve accomplished when in reality we are so much more.

Some of the women do this at my work. They play the role that society puts on them. There are many that I’ve met that have broken through and they’ve become their own women. They aren’t afraid of who they are. They act from their values and make smart choices.

Steve Pavlina asked his fellow bloggers to write “How to Be a Woman.” I might not have as much insight as a woman, but I can shed light on the topic since my CEO is a woman and most of my co-workers are women.

Here are 8 ways to live consciously as a woman at work:

1. Be Compassionate

Women have an innate ability to have compassion for others. It’s why so many of them make great bosses. They understand when their employees are having a bad day and they let them know that they are there to help. They give positive reinforcement, letting their staff know that they are cared for by their co-workers and the company. It makes the employee/co-worker feel more secure in his or her position at work and it’s a great motivator to get them back on track.

2. Feel Sexy

Women are sexual creatures and they know it. When they hide from their sexuality they are telling their co-workers that they are afraid to be a woman. Let me make this clear. Yes, there are women who flaunt their sexuality with way too much exposed flesh and constant sexual hints. That’s not sexy; it’s gross. Sexiness can be as simple as a smile or a brush back of the hair. They don’t flaunt what they have, but they embrace their sexuality.

3. Encourage Others

A woman likes to help others become better at their jobs. A woman who creates an environment of encouragement for others will be successful. She knows that when she picks up the people around her it makes her job easier as well as more enjoyable.

4. Laugh When It’s Funny

A woman doesn’t just laugh at a joke because a superior makes it. She laughs when she thinks the joke is funny. She doesn’t want to make the person who told the joke feel bad so she’ll acknowledge the try, but won’t fake a laugh. A fake laugh is disingenuous.

5. Help Others

A woman understands the social cues of a good work environment. She is willing to help others without receiving help in return, but she also knows the benefits involved in helping her co-workers. She wants others to help her when she is struggling and the only way to do that is to extend a helping hand first.

6. Appreciate Mistakes

Mistakes are natural, especially in a fast-paced work environment. She isn’t afraid to tell someone that they made a mistake and they need to correct it or watch for it next time. She doesn’t do this maliciously or in fear, but for the other person’s own good. She understands that helping others to improve will make the company better.

7. Support Other Co-workers

A woman will back up her co-worker or staff when a client or customer is treating them badly. There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism, but berating someone in front of a group is wrong. It doesn’t matter if it’s the richest client that the company has. A company’s staff is more important than money.

8. Share Good Fortune

A woman who receives a bonus because her staff has outperformed expectations will share the wealth with them. They are the reason she looks competent to her bosses so she wants to show her appreciation for their hard work. Her staff deserves to feel good about their hard work, which creates loyalty.

The How to Be a Woman at Work can apply to everyday life, too. Working happy is the theme of my site, so I didn’t want to stray too far off topic. Next week I will post a blog about “How to Be a Man at Work.”

If this article offended anyone, I won’t apologize. This blog was meant to praise women in the workplace. If you can’t see the improvements women are making in the work environment then you aren’t looking hard enough. Women are making the workplace more enjoyable and compassionate than it was way back in the male-dominated work environment. It’s been a slow process, but meaningful change often takes time.

If you enjoyed the article and hope to read more like it then check out my archives section or subscribe to my daily Work Happy Now feed and see if there are some tips that you can use to improve your job. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised by an article that may help you enjoy work just a little more. Enjoying work is something that should be at the top of all our “To Do” lists, so pick an article and give it a go.

If this article doesn’t get linked to by Steve then so be it, but I still want to thank Steve and Erin for sparking a little creativity. Let me know what you think of the topic in the comment section, and I hope to hear from the smart women and men who I know want to leave a comment.

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