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Archive for August, 2008

The Mirror of Difficult People

Difficult people make us take a hard look at ourselves. Why can’t we get along with a certain co-worker? Why do they make us so angry?

The answers lie within us. We need to expand our awareness past the usual answers:

• S/he isn’t smart enough.
• S/he doesn’t care.
• S/he is just a jerk

We label someone as difficult because we don’t want to invest too much emotional energy into them. We try to categorize the difficult people in our lives so we don’t have to worry about what they think.

In reality we are cutting them off because we don’t want to exert extra energy. We are taking the lazy way out.

Difficult People

Slow Leadership posted an article from Peter Vajda, Are ‘Difficult’ People Really Difficult? that spurred this post. He argues that we tell ourselves stories about the people in our lives and once they are told, they become concrete. These stories are usually built on false circumstances because they are an expanded version of the truth. When you recognize these stories and learn to let go of them, You will be able to free yourself from emotional attachment.

Let’s say you meet Jim, a co-worker, on the first day of your new job. He’s in a bad mood and doesn’t respond well to your questions. It’s during this time that that we begin to create the story and idea of what a person is like. Well the night before Jim’s wife may have told him that she wanted a divorce. If you would have met Jim the day before you would have a completely different perspective on the guy. The problem is that we keep repeating this story in our head every time we have an interaction with that person.

The Stories We Weave

It’s these self made stories that stop us from connecting with people that would have become a good friend or at least someone tolerable. The true nature of an individual is revealed when confronted with difficulty, whether it be a person or a situation.

You can write that one story and stick with it or you can open your awareness to the possibility that this person holds a key to your happiness. The more mental blocks that you can unlock the easier difficult people and situations will become.

Unrelated Articles That are More Enjoyable Than Difficult People:

• Develop Your Emotional Intelligence
• Productivity at its Most Effective – When It’s Easy to Apply to Your Life
• How You Are Silently Signaling Your Co-workers to Treat You

Slowly Ease Back Into Your Work Before You Really Freak Out

Let’s redefine stress so it fits into how you handle your life. Stress is the tension that you create to keep pressure on yourself. We do this because it keeps us on our toes ready to quickly answer a manager’s question or finish a report before the deadline.

It’s hard to admit that our stress is our fault, but it really is. If a lion was tracking you in the middle of an open field this stress would cause your heartbeat to skyrocket, igniting your thought processes and forcing you to act. Let’s take a step back…If you weren’t afraid of dying or pain, and you really wanted to end your life, how do you think you would feel?

You would probably be cool as a cucumber because you would be willing to take the pain to end the pain.

Acute Stress

If you were afraid of being eaten by a lion you would run like the inner track star that has always been dying to come out. This acute stress occurs because your heart is pumping like crazy, trying to keep the blood flowing to all the vital muscles. You want to live so you find the best actions to make it happen.

We feel this acute stress because it’s fast, intense and takes over the whole body. This stress occurs when we are giving a big presentation, approaching a deadline, and other major events. It’s easy to recover from this type of stress because we have no choice. Our bodies crash, shutting down our brains and forcing us to relax.

Chronic Stress

The problem with chronic stress is that it’s soft and slow. It’s a small river wearing away the rock bed. We don’t even realize that our happiness is eroding away. Over time the constant pressure breaks us down.

We carry this burden with us wherever we go. We martyr ourselves out to the world, so the people in our lives know how much we give and give.

Imagine you had to stand for hours at a time. The first hour may be easy, but slowly the burden becomes too great and your muscles and ligaments can’t handle the constant strain. You would collapse from exhaustion. There is documentary to illustrate this point, which I tried to find on Google and YouTube, but was unable to remember the name of the movie. The film follows a competition to win a car. A group of contestants try to stand and keep their hand on a car for longer than the other participants, and as soon both hands are no longer touching the car they lose. It’s an excellent chance to watch people at their best and worst. They become delirious and eventually the pain is too much. All except for one, who looked like he was on the brink of letting go too.

Your chronic stress does the same thing to you. Imagine if you had to stand in one place for hours or even days; eventually you’d have to give in and rest. We all need leisure breaks to help us stabilize our productivity.

Ease Yourself Back In

After allowing yourself a break, you shouldn’t just jump back in at full speed. You need to ease yourself back into a slower pace of work. I know this is hard to do at some jobs. Management expects full speed ahead.

If you enjoy what you do then you have to be creative with your effort. Try to work in smaller batches and when each batch is done then take a small break: bathroom, water, or a nice conversation with a co-worker. One of my favorites is making all kinds of crazy faces into a mirror. It usually makes me laugh and relieves the internal pressure that I put on myself.

You have to find the pace at which you are comfortable working. Your flow will fluctuate, so be willing to plow through work if that’s the type of mood you are in. Just don’t be afraid to take a break when you need it. It’s all about being flexible with how you are feeling that day.

Do you take scheduled breaks or do you just go with how you feel?

When You Are Freaking Out Because You Are Stressed Read These Articles:

• Leisure Expert Alison Link Answers a Work Happy Now Question
• Why are Icelanders so Good at Working Happy?
• Stress Management Journal
• Work Bullies are Stressful
• Hand Massage for Stress Relief

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Images courtesy of Clover_1

You Should be Celebrating Your Average and Tiny Successes

Most of us only celebrate the momentous occasions that happen in our lives. When we get a big promotion or raise we go out to dinner. We splurge and buy an expensive bottle of wine and order whatever we feel like eating, living it up Entourage style.

It’s good to celebrate the big events, but the small victories are what lead up to the big victories. If we don’t emotionally reward ourselves when we accomplish the small things, we aren’t setting ourselves up for success.

Sometimes we write a really well-crafted email, come up with a good plan or have a successful meeting and we just let it pass as if nothing has happened. This is so wrong! You need to have small celebrations to match your small successes.

We often get caught up in doing our work. We plow through to get as much done as time will allow. It’s during these times that you may think that you don’t have time to celebrate. However if you don’t celebrate you risk losing motivation and increasing your stress. Do you ever reach the end of the day and breathe a sigh of relief? And when you get home all you can do is sit in front of the TV because your energy is drained. I used to be there. I put so much energy into everything I did, never taking time for a mini-leisure breaks, just rushing through to make the next day seem a little easier. I was fooling myself into believing that I was being ultra productive, when in reality I wasn’t having any fun.

Create Your Small Celebration Routine

Every time I write an email, whether it’s 50 words or 500, I always lean back in my chair, interlock my fingers behind my head and smile. That’s it. Just a little smile to reinforce the good work that I’m trying to accomplish. It takes all of five seconds. If you don’t have five seconds for a small win then you are in the wrong business.

Take the Time to Plan a Little Celebration

This is all just a trick of the brain. Even a child that knows when she completes a drawing one of her teachers, parents or friends will get all excited (mini-party) clapping their hands, praising, and showing the child that when she works hard she will be rewarded with positive emotion.

When you finish a report you can reward yourself with a minty piece of gum. By taking the time to take your mind off of your work, reaching into your drawer, unfolding the wrapper and putting it into your mouth, you are creating a mental bridge that will help create excitement before you begin the next report.

Make a habit of your mini-celebration routines and you’ll notice the work that you do will bring you more joy and success because you are creating positive emotion after you complete each task.

What do you do to celebrate your small successes?

Articles Related to Celebrating and Partying:

• Create 12 Parties a Year Instead of 1 Boring Holiday Party
• Celebrate the 4th of July The Way Our Forefathers Did
• Throw a Mini Party

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Image courtesy of Mauricio Pellegrinetti

30 Seconds of Laughing and a Few Minutes of Learning

Finding a way to make your career fit your emotional needs is probably the most important advice that you should apply to your working life. Check out how Tina Su quit her job. She is making a go of full time blogging. Making her dreams come true came with hard work, but now she has an excellent chance of creating her ultimate career.

 

Boring people are quickly forgotten. Janelle over at Create Business Growth wrote a cool article about knowing the rules that bore people during a presentation. We are visual creatures and we need stimulation otherwise we’ll just tune you out.

 

We need to learn to maximize our creativity, especially if you are trying to bring in more customers, improve your career or just write a poem. Marelisa over at the Abundance Blog talks about maximizing your creativity. It’s a worthy post for any creative type.

 

Take action now and figure it out as you go along. Sara over at On Simplicity talks about making the choice to start a good habit, not later, but now. Hey, the only way you will make a lasting change in your life is to take action.

 

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I’m a sucker for slapstick comedy and this little piece is great. A nice little leisure break after working hard all week. Make sure you catch all three. You’ll understand after you watch it.

 

 

I hope your weekend is filled with the recognition of the beauty that is before you because when we accept the splendor in our lives that’s when we see love in everything.

Building Your Future Career Foundation

I recently read a post from Ittybiz that made me think about my own career. 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Have A Cushion Before You Quit Your Job. I am currently working at a job that’s not my perfect fit, but I still get a lot out of the experience. I’ve thought about quitting and just making a go of speaking and writing about work happiness, but I’m not ready. I know that it’s my dream; I’m just in need of a little more seasoning before I go out on my own. I also need more support from other people in my life. It’s not the fault of the people that are currently in my life, but the need to add people who can open doors for my career.

Your uncle in the cardboard box business isn’t going to help you find those freelance writing gigs that you’ve been trying to land or introduce you to the CEO of your ultimate company. You need to connect with people who have influence in your field. That means being the persistent giver that loves to help others.

Personal Story to Cement My Point

When my wife finished her student teaching, unofficially graduating from college, she went back to work for that teacher for free. At first I was like, “What are you doing? Go enjoy your summer,” but after talking to her and understanding her goals I began to understand her wise choice. The teacher wanted to move into school administration. Nikki kept her face and hard work ethic right in front of that teacher’s eyes. When the teacher decided to leave, she recommended Nikki for the position. The principal didn’t even consider any other candidates.

Career Enhancers Radar

You need to put yourself on the radar of the people who can help you. If that means sending a hand written note with a little present that doesn’t cost more than a few bucks, so be it. If that means doing a little extra work so you stand out from the crowd, so what if you lose out on a weekend or two.

It’s about building a network that will support you during tough and good times. Without it you’ll be a lonely coconut just hanging on and hoping not to fall before you are ready. Find those other coconuts, join their clump, but don’t be afraid to switch clumps when you need more help and always keep in touch with those other clumps with a phone call or an email. If you do fall, your old group may be able to send down a monkey to bring you back into the tree for a little more seasoning.

That’s why I have to respectfully disagree with Naomi that you just need to quit your job. I think you need to build a network of people who can help you find clients, investors, and connections that will beget success. I do agree that there will never be a perfect time. Quitting your job will force you to make connections that you never would have tried to make if it weren’t for some pressure. Yes, you will need to take the leap if you want to own your own business, sooner is better than later, otherwise you’ll just look back on your life wishing that you took that chance to work for yourself. But don’t do it without a support system from people in the industry in which you want to work, otherwise you’ll be floundering for air, begging for a job instead of being confident in each meeting.

How many trusted people do you truly believe are in your network that will help your career? What do you do to foster these relationships?

Related Articles to Creating the Career that You Deserve:

• Just a Little More Effort for True Happiness
• What Working Happy is All About
• How You Are Silently Signaling Your Co-workers to Treat You

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Image courtesy of Steffe

Never Stop Expanding Your Network

You may do your job well, even so well that no one can complain, but you never get ahead. This career trap can cause many problems. The cause of the problem may be that you are one dimensional. You are so good at what you do and you’ve become so comfortable that you’ve stopped sharing thoughts, ideas, and helpful hints.

I’ve seen friends fall into this trap. When they need to expand their network they ignore the signs.

• Co-workers stop coming to them for help.
• They don’t reach out to people below and above them.
• They don’t take advantage of programs that might help them expand their skills.

Your Corporate Network

Many of you may be imagining some old man on the verge of retirement that has trouble adapting to the latest computer programs at work. This happens at every age. I’m relatively young, 32, but a few months ago I felt like I had become complacent at my job and I wasn’t keeping my co-worker network strong.

I decided to start calling people within the organization to just say hi. I always make it short and sweet and keep the conversation on them. They love it. They have been more willing to help me out with a problem instead of pushing me on to someone else.

Customer Network

This same problem happens with your customer base. When we get too comfortable and we stop reaching out to old contacts, we hinder the circular flow of love from our networks that helps us succeed.

You have to communicate to all levels within the organization to stay on the pulse of your company or your business, but you don’t have to push from just one angle. If you sell refrigerators and all you do is talk about how good they are, all day every day, people will tune you out.

Talk to people about what they enjoy most – themselves. Let them remember you for your graciousness and they will return the favor.

What do you do to expand your network?

Related Career Tips and Advice:

• Give It Your All, Not for Your Boss, But for Your Own Work Happiness
• Losing Heart In My Company – Reader’s Question
• Tell Your Boss You Need Leisure Time

* Buzzoodle Marketing wrote about being one dimensional, which spurred this article.

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Image courtesy of luc legay

Notice the Every Day WOW

You are walking to the meeting room and nothing registers on your external radar. You’re probably lost in thought, trying to prepare yourself for the people in the meeting. You don’t notice the beautiful painting of the little house tucked along a hillside. You don’t notice the people walking by you because you are so focused on getting everything in order.

 

If you are too caught up in cramming for your meeting, you won’t be relaxed and able to communicate with a clear mind.

 

You are also missing out on a huge percentage of all the good stuff in your life. You are too busy trying to keep things under control that you forgot to let “WOW” be a part of your every day life. Sure, we all get used to the same things in our life, but when we choose to ignore them instead of taking a little time to enjoy where we are then we are losing the most valuable tool to enjoying our jobs – appreciation of the every day details.

Point B

 

We’ve all heard the statement that half the fun is the journey, but what it doesn’t say is that you need to stop and soak in the journey. When you are rushing to the next thing you are never taking the time to notice the regular “WOW.”

 

This thought was spurred by a NY Times article. It was written by a doctor who has gotten so used to death that it took a new resident to show him that he had to slow down and let moments sink in. A death may seem significant to most people, but this doctor was becoming accustomed to it. We may not have to deal with this at our jobs, but there are many noteworthy occurrences that happen to each and every one of us that go ignored.

 

We chose to ignore the beauty in our lives. We do this because we think that we need to stay focused and be so productive that we accomplish all our goals. If we don’t then we get mad at our inability to achieve our tasks.

 

Why so many people are unhappy at work

 

We never take a look around and appreciate the bang, boom, and crack of the simple. You are one of the luckiest persons in the world, being able to relax and enjoy this article.

 

The best description of how lucky we are to be here was written by a Zen master. I’m paraphrasing. It went something like this…

 

The chance of you being born is as likely as a plane flying 10,000 feet over the ocean, the co-pilot throwing a hula hoop out of the plane, which lands in the middle of the vast sea, and having a turtle float to the surface and pop her head up within that hula hoop. You have been given a gift to accomplish great work. It’s up to you to enjoy it.

 

How Lucky We Are

 

It’s up to you to take time to see the wow that’s in your life. It could be…

 

• A joke from a customer that makes you laugh.
• A telephone call that brings you a $10,000 contract for you company.
• A bird chirping outside your home office.
• Your mother calling you just to check in.

 

Some days are filled with deadlines and getting to point B, but take the time to notice the regular “WOW” and you’ll improve your ability to relax before a stressful event like a big meeting.

 

Articles Related to Expanding Our Ability to Appreciate Our Current Situation:

 

• Just a Little More Effort for True Happiness
• Productivity at its Most Effective – When It’s Easy to Apply to Your Life
• Use Failure as Your Slingshot

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Develop Your Emotional Intelligence

Everything that you enjoy stems from your Emotional Quotient (EQ). When you can develop emotional stability, the creative side of your brain and good decision making habits flourish. It gives you a better chance at success. If you keep falling back on the same responses that you used last year or last month you are losing out on opportunities to make your career more enjoyable.

 

Improve Your EQ

 

Many of us look toward our working lives as a way to receive more than we give. When we don’t feel like we are being properly rewarded we take longer breaks or sneak some office supplies home.

 

We are doing ourselves more harm than good. Yes, we may be receiving more things for our time, but it’s not supporting our need for the two most important things that we all need at work.

 

Appreciation and Productivity

 

There was a study conducted between two groups of people and how they valued their job. One group was given tasks to do with no pay at all. The second group was given no tasks and they were paid for their time. At the end of the study the first group was more satisfied with their experience because they were accomplishing instead of just waiting around for something to happen.

 

Appreciation works the same way. There is a reason charity organizations can pay their employees less money. People are more satisfied with the work that they do for a charity than for a corporation whose mission statement is “Make as much money as we can.”

 

Give Way More Than You Get

 

The best way to improve your EQ is to learn to give more than you get.

 

• Give more appreciation than you get

• Give more laughter than you get

• Give more love than you get

 

When you give more than you get you are creating positive Karma. All societies are based on helping each other, even in a free market economy. So by giving more you’ll be receiving more emotionally and physically from people who want to return the favor.

 

When you are productive and you show appreciation for the people in your working life, eventually you’ll be rewarded because you are building a strong network that will help you find a new job, make an extra sale, or go that extra mile when you need help.

 

Articles Related to Emotional Intelligence:

• Emotional Intelligence Improves the Workplace
• Positive Belief
• How You Are Silently Signaling Your Co-workers to Treat You

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Image courtesy of Tico Bassie

Why Every Company Should Appoint a Work Happy Manager

A Work Happy Manager? My company would never hire one. They have enough on their plate as it is. Some of you may be thinking this, but this is the time to be ahead of the curve. Every company wants to be the first to implement the next great product or service, giving themselves competitive advantage. We should think of managing a company with the same mindset.

 

Forward thinking companies separate themselves from the crowd and get all the best talent. You know what happens when a company has the best talent… They succeed.

 

Companies have highs and lows from year to year. This occurs because of a fluctuation in talent, the economy, and the company’s personality. If you’ve been at a company for an extended period of time I’m sure you’ve noticed that some years are better than others. In those “down years,” employees leave because morale is low. No one enjoys working for an organization that feels sorry for itself. That’s why hiring someone to keep the company morale high is as important as making record sales. If employees aren’t happy the money train won’t last.

 

The Best Talent Knows If Your Company Rocks

 

Seth Godin believes that thirty years ago a company could put out an average product and as long as they were on TV (in everybody’s face) they made sales. This happened because the average consumer didn’t know better. They were fed their buying information. Now the Internet allows people to research. This creates more buying power.

 

Potential employees have this same information. They can go online and see what other present and past employees are saying about a company (check out reviews of Google from Glassdoor.com) they are interested in. If your company has bad employee PR, you won’t be getting the best talent.

 

Your company can change this by having a person or team of people on your staff who is proactively creating an enjoyable work environment. Most of you think Human Resources should be doing this. Let me ask you this…are they doing it at your company?

 

Be Proactive

 

I was talking to a friend who worked for a Bank. He told me that the HR staff was very good at reactive management. They took care of new health plans, internal problems, and hiring, but they were never given the freedom to create programs that would boost the employee work experience.

 

It’s usually not in the HR department’s goals to improve the company, so they bring in the occasional speaker to boost motivation which lasts a couple of days then everything goes back to normal. What if your company were given a person whose sole job was to improve communication, morale, and team work? That company would have a leg up on the competition.

 

Why do you think your company would or wouldn’t hire a work happy manager?

 

Articles that Aren’t that Related, but Still Are Fun and Informative:

• 25 Lessons on Working Happy From My German Father
• Tell Your Boss You Need Leisure Time
• Mini Sabbaticals Should Be Mandatory

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Image courtesy of ctsnow

Image courtesy of

My Guest Posts from Around the Globe

I’ve been given the opportunity to write for various blogs around this great earth. All of them are in English, but I wanted to point out that blogs come from all over and that’s why they are so intriguing. We get viewpoints from all kinds of countries, which helps us expand beyond our normal thought routines.

Denmark

 

One Fun Day

 

Small companies are best positioned to offer the “one free paid fun day” perk. Let’s say you have ten employees and they receive three weeks off a year and they make an average of $45,000. You can add an extra day off and spending cash of $50 to each employee. This is a minimal investment of time-off and money for the amount of return received.

 

This investment will pay dividends because your company is willing to do more than the minimum to make its employees happy. When you give back to your employees they will give back to you. It’s what humans do. Smile at someone and see if they can resist smiling back at you. They usually can’t because they understand the social cues that make a successful society.

 

Click here to check out the rest of the article:

 

Sweden

 

Six Tools to Enjoy Your Job Like a Zen Monk

 

Reaching a Zen-like state when working is not about being absolutely blissful. It’s a myth that monks walk around with fixed smiles on their faces.

 

Some probably do, but most are like you and me. They have their ups and downs while working.

 

But what they’ve learned to do is focus on the everyday routine and immerse themselves in every task they do.

 

Click here to read the rest of the article.

 

Brazil

 

3 Simple Secrets to Reducing Your Blogging Stress

 

Thoughts, creativity, and writing should flow freely and without tension. As I was writing an article a few months ago I noticed the strain in my stomach, neck, and jaw. I was straining to get the thoughts out. As if tensing my muscles would actually help me focus or even create something helpful to my readers.

 

My writing was strained because I was uptight through the process. The tension was creating pain and I knew that I needed to fix the way I wrote my blogs. I ignored it in the past because I thought it was normal, sprinting through my thoughts until I began to stumble, hoping that after the first push of energy was over I would have something concrete to work with. And even when I ended up with a minor headache it was okay because I accomplished the work I set out to do. This cycle couldn’t continue and I needed a system.

 

Click here to read the whole article.

 

As I try to spread the work happy message I’ve reached so many great people. I want to thank these great blogs for giving me the opportunity to write for their readers.

 

Related articles that just might change your perspective on your career:

• Productivity at its Most Effective – When It’s Easy to Apply to Your Life
• 7 Awesome Lessons from Bill Gates – Love Him or Hate Him, He is a Genius
• The Google Slide

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Image courtesy of aussiegall