Paradoxically though, it’s often on the other side of those fears that some of our best learning and growth happens.

Hi Marelisa, It’s hard to get over ourselves, but what is the alternative? Fear? I would rather deal with it and move on.

Hi Tess, Just do them and keep making them better.

Hi Lance, Toastmasters should be a must for any leader. You know I believe we are all leaders. So I guess it should be a must for everyone.

Hi J.D., It comes down to improving a little bit here and there, then, after a few months or years, we realize all the good work we’ve done and our confidence is stronger.

Hi Suzen, It’s all about the culture that the group creates.

Hi Sue, Being hard on ourselves always hurts. We think it helps us create self discipline, but in reality it creates procrastination.

Hi Evita, I love that your insides were cheering me on. This is a great tool to support ourselves. Cheering creates building of confidence. When we become our greatest leader and cheerleader there is nothing we can’t accomplish.

Hi Tom, Limiting thoughts are tough to work with. They don’t give us much chance for creativity. We just need to do a quick job of recognizing these thoughts, so we don’t get caught in them.

Hi Megan, Maybe you can create a physical picture of what you want the retreat to look like and how it will function. Then you can start breaking it down so it makes it encourages you to take action.

Hi Carl, It’s amazing how encouraging ourselves to do something we fear can really turn into something we enjoy.

Carl

This is fantastic! First of all congrats to you for overcoming your fear and going for it. As I was reading your change from the class to where you are today, my insides were literally cheering for you… can you hear them LOL – they are saying “Yay, way to go Karl!”

And what a brilliant question you asked and the answer even more awesome because it is sooo true! It is always a “fear” of something that holds us back – for we all truly can achieve or be or do whatever we want. But we cannot be the ones holding ourselves back from these things through fear.

Thanks for sharing your story with us. The irony of giving a speech about the Buddhist concept of enjoying every moment (and being mindful in each moment)while hating every moment of giving that speech in your university class is quite humorous, in retrospect. At the same time, I could really empathize with your discomfort and anxiety. I also used to hate public speaking and was able to motor through a 15 minute presentation in 7 1/2 minutes just to get them over and done.

I’m not so sure it’s the fear of speaking in front of a group, per se, that terrifies most of us as teenagers and adults: I suspect it’s really a learned fear in response to having been ridiculed or criticized for what and how we communicated over many instances in the past. I would guess that most people, especially when they’re kids, don’t stop to think or reflect that excessively critical responses or rude/insensitive responses from those audiences really said more about other people’s bad manners, poor listening skills and inability to provide helpful feedback than about the person’s ability to communicate well. We often forget that communication is a two way street and the other side of the street is effective listening skills.

You are also so right that we are often our own harshest critics and not very self accepting of ourselves. It’s ridiculous because being so hard on ourselves does nothing to help us make the changes that are possible, and if it’s a physical or genetic trait or feature that can’t be changed, well it’s a real waste of energy to beat ourselves up over it, isn’t it? I think we often treat ourselves much worse than we would ever treat our friends or loved ones. I think I’m going to post stickies on the mirrors and the fridge door reminding myself to be a good friend to myself.

It’s amazing what confidence and competence can do. The problem is confidence comes before competence or you’ll never get there. The other problem is confidence alone is not enough. Skills really do make the difference.