How to be Drama-Free… Start with Yourself
Wednesday, September 21st, 2011
Editor’s note: this is a guest post from Kaley Klemp the Co-Author of The Drama-Free Office
It’s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it’s common to hear about the “Drama” plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful.
If we could just get through the drama, the business decisions and real work isn’t that hard…
Blame Game
It’s easy to blame drama on others. After all, you’re the good guy in these dynamics; why don’t they get it? One of the most difficult challenges for aspiring leaders is to “own their stuff”—to acknowledge that they are equally responsible for creating any situation where drama exists.
I learned this lesson working on a writing project with another author – my dad. He had some great ideas that I was happy to work with. But then he became controlling. It was easy for me to see how things were falling apart – and it was his fault! He was the one who wasn’t listening. He was the one who was setting impossible deadlines. I was ready to take all I knew about eliminating drama and apply it to him.
Four Energy-draining Personalities
Most drama is caused by four primary energy-draining personalities that sabotage workplace collaboration and synergy:
- Complainer
- Controller
- Cynic
- Caretaker.
The Complainer is the one who is never at fault – not enough time, resources or support. The Controller has to be in charge – perhaps micromanaging, sometimes being the bully. The Cynic must be right; often pointing out how others’ ideas will never work and making fun of the person who brought it up. The Caretaker wants to be liked so much that they say yes to everything, which becomes a problem when they bite off more than they can chew and they miss deadlines.
Like me, most people want to start with the question: how do I help others change? But, we have found that before you can guide others, you have to take inventory of your interaction strengths and the ways you sabotage relationships. The strength inventory is usually easy. It’s fun to appreciate your talent and amazing ability to do what you do. The sabotage inventory is more difficult. It requires the vulnerability and courage to seek others’ candid observations and advice about your behavior.
Watch Yourself
Taking my own advice, I asked myself what my part was in creating the drama. I wondered which Drama personalities I was using that were sabotaging us. I noticed how I had fallen into Complainer. I didn’t have enough time to do everything he asked and his requests were too hard. I realized that I would have micromanaged someone acting the way I was. Then I saw my Cynic. The enthusiasm I had at the beginning of the project had become critical… I saw everything wrong with what we were doing, but didn’t offer any suggestions to change. Once I saw myself in these drama roles, I could shift into taking responsibility – renegotiating our deadlines and making suggestions for how we could change the writing to be better.
By identifying and correcting the four drama roles (Complainer, Controller, Cynic, Caretaker), you are well on your way to eliminating drama. If you want even more clarity, invite your work colleagues, family members, and friends to give you timely, direct feedback.
Quick Drama Reducing Tips
Here is a quick way to start looking at how these drama roles show up for you. Ask friends and coworkers:
- Where do you see me complaining? Not taking responsibility for my situation?
- Where do you see me controlling? Taking over and micromanaging?
- Where do you see be being cynical? Discounting others or being sarcastic?
- Where do you seem me care-taking? Rescuing others instead of letting them do things on their own?
You can also take a free drama assessment for yourself. Let me know what you find out about yourself. And what can you do to change?
Kaley Klemp and Jim Warner are the authors of The Drama-Free Office: A Guide to Healthy Collaboration with Your Team, Coworkers, and Boss.
I agree with your four energy-draining personalities. Unfortunately, you will find at least two out of four of these people in your corporate office.
The best way to find out if you are one of them is to be self aware. You have to be more conscious of your actions throughout the day.
Appreciate the article, Kaley
I like the fact you called out a set of personas:
* Complainer
* Controller
* Cynic
* Caretaker
I think that’s a useful lens for looking at behavior, whether evaluating yourself or others.
I’ve worked with all four types, and I think the most damaging is the cynic. I find them to destroy the creativity of a group by shutting down ideas before they ever have a chance to develop. Some ideas take time to mature, and the cynic is never willing to give them that time thats needed.