Archive for the Communication Issues Category
My Favorite Posts of 2012
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The year is coming to a close. How can we not be nostalgic?
There are so many things that happen to us within a year. We reach goals that we never thought possible, we drink lots of coffee, we laugh with friends, we wake up tired, we wake up ready to take on the day, we love others, we earn money, we spend money and we go on adventures that delight us.
Then we ride into the new year ready to do it again.
Before we jump into 2013 it’s always good to look back on the year because it helps us understand what we should do more of to optimize our 2013.
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The Zen of Working With Irritating People
Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Christopher Wallace.
Like it or not, we often spend as much (or more) time with our coworkers as with our families. When we’re in close quarters with anyone for a long period of time, we start to notice their eccentricities. More often than not, these eccentricities shift from being “quirky” to downright annoying all too quickly when we are subjected to them on a daily basis.
There are dozens of reasons a coworker might irritate us, from poor work performance to generally noisy behavior. It’s easy to respond in turn; lashing out on the offensive by annoying them right back.
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Flush the Junk
I have two ways to clear my mind when I need to focus on a big launch coming up.
I…
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Business Clarity
Finding my business clarity has taken me a lot of time. I’m on my 8th blog and I’m just now figuring out what I love to learn, talk about, and teach. It’s this slow forward progress that has made all the difference. If I would have been stubborn I wouldn’t have created a company that was flexible to my needs as well as my clients.
You have to look at what how your superpowers align with your work. Eliminate the boring, tedious, and pointless work. Do work that excites you!
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Stop Ordering Yourself Around
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Mike Bundrant of iNLP.
“Do it, Mike! Just do it! Stop your whining and get off your butt!”
This is how I used to motivate myself. I carried around an inner high school football coach to bark at me whenever he thought I was slacking. The problem was, I constantly stressed myself out. Worse, half the time I “rebelled” against this inner dictator and became passive aggressive toward my own goals. How’s that for nutty?
Patterns
Actually, this is a common pattern. A “dictator” style of motivation has an undermining effect in the long run. Most people don’t like to be ordered around. In the workplace it leads to low morale and a low productivity, high-turnover workforce. Dictator-style parents tend to divide families and create harsh rivalries in the home. Ordering yourself around leads to the number one killer of personal development goals: self-sabotage.
Think about it. To your mind and body, a harsh, loud voice ordering you around is jarring, regardless of the source. You respond with stress and resistance whether from an outsider imposing his will or you imposing your will upon yourself. In the end, your brain experiences the commands in a similar fashion. Your mind places a lot less emphasis on the origin of an experience than you may think. All of us can make our mouths water just by imagining a delectable dessert. We’ve all reacted with fear to inner thoughts that had no basis in external reality. Ordering yourself around is being ordered around, period. Chances are, you don’t like it and will shut down, refusing to take any action at all.
The stress and resistance of dictatorial self-motivation is an expressway to self-sabotage. “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do!” is the common response to inappropriate commands, even when those commands are self-generated. It’s a perfect set up.
A New Way
Zen Motivation changes all this. The need to bark orders and force yourself to do things doesn’t even arise in a Zen motivation state. Motivating yourself to do things, even unpleasant things, is a normal part of living and comes quite naturally when in a more Zen-like state, connected to the present moment. Do this exercise and see what I mean.
1. Consider one thing that you need to motivate yourself to do, such as exercise, pull weeds, meet with a difficult colleague, and so forth. If you can, write down the name of the task in the middle of a piece of paper (if you have a pen and paper).
2. Become aware how you would typically motivate yourself to do this and write down (if you can) the thoughts and feelings that come next. For example, “Get it done!” or “Let’s move!” or “I just have to get this done!” or “Come on, Mike!” or (feelings, too) “Tension in chest and shoulders.” Write freely for a minute or so and don’t censor yourself.
3. Just clear your mind for a few moments. Shake it off.
4. Forget everything and enter a more present, grounded state by tuning into a mundane sound, such as the sound of distant traffic, the hum of your computer (or the white noise of a fan, refrigerator, running water, etc…). Don’t do anything else or try to relax – just tune into the sound. Keep listening for a minute or more, until you feel settled.
5. When you feel more settled, reconsider the task you need to get done. Write it down on a clean sheet of paper and notice the thoughts and feelings that come to your mind and body. Do you notice the difference? In this more calm state, what words can you choose to gently motivate yourself? How much easier is it to avoid ordering yourself around while you are feeling more settled and connected to the outside world?
For managers, the key to motivating employees rests with the quality of the relationship – how well do they treat their employees? Likewise, the key to motivating yourself is correlated with how well you treat yourself. Zen motivation allows you to motivate yourself from a more grounded, connected state. When you do, your tendency to order yourself around will vanish and your productivity will increase. Best of all, you’ll be respecting yourself more.
Mike Bundrant is an NLP trainer with the iNLP Center. Visit iNLP for a free personal development mini course and learn more about the Zen Motivation Twitter Party.
Image courtesy of phoeric.
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Tell Stories
The success of your business depends on how well you can convey your best stories to your potential customers. I was recently on a call with a lady who wanted to throw a Twitter party around her three books. I was giving her all the facts, but none of the glory of a great party.
Gotta sell the sizzle too!
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Every Town is Slightly Different
No matter where you go every town has different rules. A beach town doesn’t care if you come in the store in your bare feet. They just want your business. If you don’t take time to notice these little details you are missing out on how people connect with each other in the town.
The beach stores don’t want to enforce rules on people that doesn’t make sense. People walk around in bare feet. If you want them to come into your store you can’t force them to wear something they don’t have on them.
You have to be flexible with the community you are creating. They might not want to comment on your blog. They might not want to buy certain types of products. Yes you are creating the community, but you still have to be flexible.
You might be the sheriff, keeping order, but you aren’t the only one creating rules. It’s your job to listen to your people and see what they really want from you. You build a community by knowing how to make people feel comfortable and happy.
Open Up
You are hiding from your fear of the unknown. You don’t want to face the challenge that a new conversation can bring.
You talk to the same people. Eat the same food at your favorite restaurant.
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Look for Their Hidden Superpowers
It’s not who you meet it’s how much people care about you and your idea. I could meet Bill Gates tomorrow and tell him about my amazing Twitter Parties, but he probably wouldn’t care. He doesn’t need an online party to be successful. He would probably be polite, take my business card and we’d never speak again.
I’m telling you this because like the rest of us, you probably get caught up in meeting big time people in your industry. You want the big players to notice you. This is good if your company is ready, but if it’s not, it’s a waste of your time.
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The Superpower of Creativity
Your ability to unleash your superpower of creativity depends on one thing.
S p a c e !
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