Archive for the Communication Issues Category
Stop Ordering Yourself Around
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Mike Bundrant of iNLP.
“Do it, Mike! Just do it! Stop your whining and get off your butt!”
This is how I used to motivate myself. I carried around an inner high school football coach to bark at me whenever he thought I was slacking. The problem was, I constantly stressed myself out. Worse, half the time I “rebelled” against this inner dictator and became passive aggressive toward my own goals. How’s that for nutty?
Patterns
Actually, this is a common pattern. A “dictator” style of motivation has an undermining effect in the long run. Most people don’t like to be ordered around. In the workplace it leads to low morale and a low productivity, high-turnover workforce. Dictator-style parents tend to divide families and create harsh rivalries in the home. Ordering yourself around leads to the number one killer of personal development goals: self-sabotage.
Think about it. To your mind and body, a harsh, loud voice ordering you around is jarring, regardless of the source. You respond with stress and resistance whether from an outsider imposing his will or you imposing your will upon yourself. In the end, your brain experiences the commands in a similar fashion. Your mind places a lot less emphasis on the origin of an experience than you may think. All of us can make our mouths water just by imagining a delectable dessert. We’ve all reacted with fear to inner thoughts that had no basis in external reality. Ordering yourself around is being ordered around, period. Chances are, you don’t like it and will shut down, refusing to take any action at all.
The stress and resistance of dictatorial self-motivation is an expressway to self-sabotage. “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do!” is the common response to inappropriate commands, even when those commands are self-generated. It’s a perfect set up.
A New Way
Zen Motivation changes all this. The need to bark orders and force yourself to do things doesn’t even arise in a Zen motivation state. Motivating yourself to do things, even unpleasant things, is a normal part of living and comes quite naturally when in a more Zen-like state, connected to the present moment. Do this exercise and see what I mean.
1. Consider one thing that you need to motivate yourself to do, such as exercise, pull weeds, meet with a difficult colleague, and so forth. If you can, write down the name of the task in the middle of a piece of paper (if you have a pen and paper).
2. Become aware how you would typically motivate yourself to do this and write down (if you can) the thoughts and feelings that come next. For example, “Get it done!” or “Let’s move!” or “I just have to get this done!” or “Come on, Mike!” or (feelings, too) “Tension in chest and shoulders.” Write freely for a minute or so and don’t censor yourself.
3. Just clear your mind for a few moments. Shake it off.
4. Forget everything and enter a more present, grounded state by tuning into a mundane sound, such as the sound of distant traffic, the hum of your computer (or the white noise of a fan, refrigerator, running water, etc…). Don’t do anything else or try to relax – just tune into the sound. Keep listening for a minute or more, until you feel settled.
5. When you feel more settled, reconsider the task you need to get done. Write it down on a clean sheet of paper and notice the thoughts and feelings that come to your mind and body. Do you notice the difference? In this more calm state, what words can you choose to gently motivate yourself? How much easier is it to avoid ordering yourself around while you are feeling more settled and connected to the outside world?
For managers, the key to motivating employees rests with the quality of the relationship – how well do they treat their employees? Likewise, the key to motivating yourself is correlated with how well you treat yourself. Zen motivation allows you to motivate yourself from a more grounded, connected state. When you do, your tendency to order yourself around will vanish and your productivity will increase. Best of all, you’ll be respecting yourself more.
Mike Bundrant is an NLP trainer with the iNLP Center. Visit iNLP for a free personal development mini course and learn more about the Zen Motivation Twitter Party.
Image courtesy of phoeric.
7 Comments »
How to Do Business with Different Personality Types
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Lisa H. (aka RunningBear) of Getting to Zen
If you charge for your work, then you know the dilemma between charging hourly versus charging by the project. There are arguments for and against both. For example, if you charge by the project, you could end up doing a lot more work than the project is worth and if you charge by the hour, you many lose clients to the variability of the cost. Knowing the personality type of the persons you are working with can not only help you in deciding how to charge for your efforts but make your working relationships a whole lot smoother.
Read the rest of this entry »
Effective Communication in the Land of Endless Emails
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Kenneth McCall is director of IT for storage.com.
I love email. It gives me a running record of who said what when. I can write a very business-like email even late at night or early in the morning – look how late he’s working, impressive! I can give bad news gently without having to actually face the person. I get to use passive-aggressive smiley faces. Guess you’ll have that report for me tomorrow instead of today since it’s already 5:30? 
Read the rest of this entry »
9 Comments »
A Letter that You Wish Your Boss Would Write
Editor’s note: This is a guest from Lisa H. (aka RunningBear) of Getting to Zen
What makes my boss so great is that he treats his employees like human beings and not like resources that are there just to help him achieve his goals. Although he is my manager, everything that I do for him feels collaborative (even my performance reviews).
As I was scouring the internet to increase my understanding of boss-employee relationships, I came across a hypothetical note a boss wrote to his employees. What I liked most about note was that it provided great insight on how to establish a good relationship with your boss from a boss’s perspective. I liked the idea so much that I decided to write one of my own.
Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments »
Coworker Trust – Sometimes It’s Better to Give AND Receive
Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Eileen Habelow, Ph.D. of Randstad
You work with them about 8 hours a day, 250 days out of the year. Depending on your line of work, you may see them more than you see friends and family. Your co-workers are an integral part of your ability to do your job, to develop and succeed in your career and even to ensure your day-to-day happiness. In this year’s Randstad Work Watch survey on coworker relationships, 70 percent of respondents said that workplace friendships create a more supportive and friendly workplace. That’s why building healthy, trusting relationships with these people is so important.
Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments »
How to Improve Traditional Management Training
Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Phil LeNir of CoachingOurselves.com. As many of you noticed I’ve been writing more from a personal view of careers and personal development. I published this piece on organizational development because anyone can apply these concepts to their business and life.
There are a lot of management development training programs out there. They help managers and employees to improve their skill sets and become better at what they do.
But what if there was a way to apply self-help concepts to the corporate world? What if managers could train each other, learn through discussions, and be inspired by stimulating material?
Keep reading to find out how we found ourselves doing exactly that.
Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment »
Working Hard Behind the Scenes – Fear, Tantrums, and Porcupines
How much does your fear hold you back from doing work you love?
Building a business is not easy. There is crying, yelling, fighting with your arch nemesis, losing your superpowers, gaining them back again, more yelling, wanting to throw in the towel, feeling like you are on top of the world, and knowing everything that you do is worth your efforts.
I’ve been working hard behind the Work Happy Now scenes.
I want to help you with the resistance that you have in starting your own business or taking your business to the next level. Nathan Hangen and I have created an e-course that helps people do just that.
We’re calling it Fear to Fuel – Stop Resisting and Start Creating.
Too often we procrastinate on stuff that really lights our fires because we are afraid of failing at something we truly care about.
Building Interest
Right now we are building interest by releasing 1 part of 9 PDF modules as a free preview. We plan to release an audio interview by a best-selling author by mid-week, and at the end of the week we’ll make the PDF action worksheet ready for you.
Click here to sign up so you can get access to all the free content. After Friday we will be pulling the information down because we want people to buy the e-course.
What’s Inside
The e-course is filled with great stuff to help you leverage your superpowers so you can do more of the stuff you love to do.
Interviews
We interviewed 14 creative experts and asked them tough questions about what they did right and wrong as they built their businesses.
The list is truly amazing. We have Tony Hsieh the CEO of Zappos, Hugh Macleod the amazing cartoonist at Gaping Void, and Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project to name a few.
Action Sheets
Each interview comes along with an action sheet that highlights the interview. After you are done listening to the MP3, you can answer some tough questions to help you break through your procrastination.
9 PDF Modules
We created 9 PDF modules that will take you step by step through your fear, teach you how to know where it’s coming from, give you strategies on how to friend your fear, and then help you learn to use your fear to fuel you into action.
Marketing Module
Finally, we created a marketing module. Nathan and I talked about what very few others do – that there is no magic formula for success. It takes a lot of hard work, connecting with the right people and showing up every day. Once people know that they can trust you, that’s when the magic happens. They will tell everyone they know that you are awesome.
Where Porcupines Come In to Play
We picked the topic of fear because it dominates so many of our decisions. Think about the last crappy job you stayed at. Why did you stay?
Because you were afraid of finding a crappier job.
Because you would lose your health insurance.
Because you were afraid of change.
All valid arguments, but so very weak at the same time. Your fear holds you back from doing work that you love.
It’s like hugging a porcupine. You think you can do it gently enough that it won’t prick you. Each time you hug that porcupine, a loose quill jabs you. You pick the porcupine up the next day hoping for better results.
You keep showing up at your job because you’re hoping that one day you will stop being pricked and start being appreciated.
Your fear is holding you back. You aren’t creating something that excites you. Then this course is for you.
Partnership
I partnered with Nathan Hangen because we’ve both struggled with fear and found different ways to use that fear to fuel our businesses. We try something, fail try something else and succeed. Then repeat the things that worked.
We’ve tried so many angles that we know what works best for us. Each failure helps us gain clarity.
Right Now
We are giving away a small piece of the course for free, so we can show you how valuable the whole Fear to Fuel package is. Click here to sign up and you’ll get access to each new part that is released. The first part will be released today. The next 2 parts will be released later this week.
As always if you have any questions, just let me know and I’ll be glad to help.
* No extra links today because that’s how important Fear to Fuel is to me.
7 Comments »
How to be Fearless and Fear Less
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Susan Chambers of SAGE Editing and Research Services.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unjustified, unreasoning terror which paralyzes needed effort…” (Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1st Inaugural Address, 1933)
Did you know that 12% of Canadians (source: Canadian Mental Health Association) and 18% of American adults ages 18 and older are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in a given year (source: National Institute of Mental Health) When you convert the abstract numbers to real people, these findings translate as a distressingly large number of individuals suffering the often debilitating impacts of fear and anxiety; health concerns, a sense of being overwhelmed and helpless, an inability to take action or make changes, and a reduced quality of life. My guess is that it was in fact the side effects of overpowering fear, the “…nameless, unjustified, unreasoning terror which paralyzes needed effort…” rather than the emotion of fear itself that concerned Roosevelt, back in 1933.
According to an article in Psychology Today by Gordon Livingston (2009), a psychiatrist, the inaction that stems from excessive, irrational fears or fear-based thinking often shows up as a decision to live life from a “safe” position and not take risks, even if that means forsaking opportunities that might provide greater joy and expansiveness to one’s life. But what are these fears—or perhaps more accurately, anxieties—that keep so many of us immobilized to some degree or another? How are they triggered? And how do we overcome our fears or at least control them so they don’t take over and imprison our spirits and minds, leaving us depressed and further discouraged (a loss of heart)? Let’s start with human nature and the nature of fear.
Read the rest of this entry »
9 Comments »
What’s the Quickest Way to Irk a Co-Worker?
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Eileen Habelow and Randstad
Nothing can disrupt a productive day at the office like inconsiderate colleagues. It seems no matter how hard we try, they always find ways – mostly unintentional – to disrupt your workday “mojo.” While there are extreme cases of workplace irritation (back-stabbing, taking credit for other’s work), it’s the little, irritating habits of co-workers that seem to regularly get under our skin. According to a recent Randstad Work Watch survey on workplace pet peeves, 43 percent of people are most annoyed with their co-workers’ poor time management skills.
In this current economic climate, we have all taken on more responsibility and have been asked to do more with fewer resources. So, it’s easy to understand why we would expect our colleagues to work efficiently, maximizing the time spent in the office each day. The last thing anyone wants is to watch – or deal with – a neighbor in the next cubicle wasting valuable time on menial activities or struggling to complete assignments due to wasted or mismanaged time.
Read the rest of this entry »
3 Comments »
4 Ultimate PC Productivity Tools
Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Wendy Graham of online colleges.
If you work from home or attend online college, you know the importance of keeping productive; while working from the comfort of your house may seem like the best of all possible work environments, it can have its drawbacks. For one, you must have strong reserves of self-discipline and treat your work life as it were… a job. This can be difficult if one uses the same home computer for work and leisure. If this applies to you, consider the following programs.
Read the rest of this entry »
6 Comments »