Archive for the Emotional Tools for Better Working Category
Stop Ordering Yourself Around
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Mike Bundrant of iNLP.
“Do it, Mike! Just do it! Stop your whining and get off your butt!”
This is how I used to motivate myself. I carried around an inner high school football coach to bark at me whenever he thought I was slacking. The problem was, I constantly stressed myself out. Worse, half the time I “rebelled” against this inner dictator and became passive aggressive toward my own goals. How’s that for nutty?
Patterns
Actually, this is a common pattern. A “dictator” style of motivation has an undermining effect in the long run. Most people don’t like to be ordered around. In the workplace it leads to low morale and a low productivity, high-turnover workforce. Dictator-style parents tend to divide families and create harsh rivalries in the home. Ordering yourself around leads to the number one killer of personal development goals: self-sabotage.
Think about it. To your mind and body, a harsh, loud voice ordering you around is jarring, regardless of the source. You respond with stress and resistance whether from an outsider imposing his will or you imposing your will upon yourself. In the end, your brain experiences the commands in a similar fashion. Your mind places a lot less emphasis on the origin of an experience than you may think. All of us can make our mouths water just by imagining a delectable dessert. We’ve all reacted with fear to inner thoughts that had no basis in external reality. Ordering yourself around is being ordered around, period. Chances are, you don’t like it and will shut down, refusing to take any action at all.
The stress and resistance of dictatorial self-motivation is an expressway to self-sabotage. “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do!” is the common response to inappropriate commands, even when those commands are self-generated. It’s a perfect set up.
A New Way
Zen Motivation changes all this. The need to bark orders and force yourself to do things doesn’t even arise in a Zen motivation state. Motivating yourself to do things, even unpleasant things, is a normal part of living and comes quite naturally when in a more Zen-like state, connected to the present moment. Do this exercise and see what I mean.
1. Consider one thing that you need to motivate yourself to do, such as exercise, pull weeds, meet with a difficult colleague, and so forth. If you can, write down the name of the task in the middle of a piece of paper (if you have a pen and paper).
2. Become aware how you would typically motivate yourself to do this and write down (if you can) the thoughts and feelings that come next. For example, “Get it done!” or “Let’s move!” or “I just have to get this done!” or “Come on, Mike!” or (feelings, too) “Tension in chest and shoulders.” Write freely for a minute or so and don’t censor yourself.
3. Just clear your mind for a few moments. Shake it off.
4. Forget everything and enter a more present, grounded state by tuning into a mundane sound, such as the sound of distant traffic, the hum of your computer (or the white noise of a fan, refrigerator, running water, etc…). Don’t do anything else or try to relax – just tune into the sound. Keep listening for a minute or more, until you feel settled.
5. When you feel more settled, reconsider the task you need to get done. Write it down on a clean sheet of paper and notice the thoughts and feelings that come to your mind and body. Do you notice the difference? In this more calm state, what words can you choose to gently motivate yourself? How much easier is it to avoid ordering yourself around while you are feeling more settled and connected to the outside world?
For managers, the key to motivating employees rests with the quality of the relationship – how well do they treat their employees? Likewise, the key to motivating yourself is correlated with how well you treat yourself. Zen motivation allows you to motivate yourself from a more grounded, connected state. When you do, your tendency to order yourself around will vanish and your productivity will increase. Best of all, you’ll be respecting yourself more.
Mike Bundrant is an NLP trainer with the iNLP Center. Visit iNLP for a free personal development mini course and learn more about the Zen Motivation Twitter Party.
Image courtesy of phoeric.
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Audio Interview With Peter Buffett
Whenever I’m asked to interview someone I only do it if I have a burning desire to ask that person a certain question. Peter Buffett fell into this category, so when his publicist contacted me about a possible interview I jumped on it.
I wanted to ask Peter if people were jealous that his family was rich. Being the son of Warren Buffett one of the most famous people on the planet can draw a lot of attention, positive and negative, so I was curious about his experiences.
I was amazed by Peter’s grounded nature and willingness to think before he speaks. I should have known he would be a great interview.
I recorded the interview for all of you to listen to:
Click here to listen to the Peter Buffett interview
(Right click to download the audio to your computer for later use.)
Some of the highlights in the Peter Buffett interview is:
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How to be Drama-Free… Start with Yourself
Editor’s note: this is a guest post from Kaley Klemp the Co-Author of The Drama-Free Office
It’s gossip, turf wars, water cooler talk, and the chronic complainer no one can stand. When you talk with people about the organizations they work for, it’s common to hear about the “Drama” plaguing their companies: the energy-draining behaviors that keep people from focusing on the creative projects and basic business practices that make the company successful.
If we could just get through the drama, the business decisions and real work isn’t that hard…
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How to Focus Your Thoughts and Accomplish Great Work
You may notice that it’s easier to enjoy a certain situation when in a good mood. You aren’t affected by problems as easily. This occurs because your focus is on something that keeps you happy.
Standing in line behind two young women, probably in their early twenties, at the grocery store and they were complaining about their boyfriends. Their groceries were on the conveyer belt waiting to be wrung up. They had bananas, a mango, strawberries, two types of cheeses and crackers. It looked like they were going to eat an amazing snack. They weren’t excited about this wonderful meal they were soon to make, but only worried about their awful boyfriends.
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How to Be More You
Just be yourself and they will love you. How many moms have said that to their little boys and girls?
What they should really say is just be yourself and screw everyone else because people will find ways to hate you no matter what you do. This is true in business and life.
Happiness
You want to be happy. That means you can’t let other people dictate your decision making process.
I’m trying to be more me, but I find it difficult.
I still remember the first day of school during my 7th grade year and a popular student telling me to sit down and stop being so annoying. The pain goes deep. I don’t want to be annoying. I want people to like me.
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Is Work Stress Hurting Your Family Life?
Has your boss ever put an extra task on your plate because they had to disperse the work due to a round of layoffs?
You shake your head because you wonder why (put co-workers name here), who loves his hourly coffee breaks, didn’t get the extra work. You can’t complain now because you don’t want to be a part of the next round of layoffs.
Stress plays a huge role in whether or not you are happy at work. When you are unhappy you often take these feelings home with you.
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What Elephants Have in Common with Gratitude
Did you know that elephants travel the same long journey every year?
They do. They do it because they know when the fruit will falls from the trees, so they can eat them when they are perfectly fermented and able to get a little tipsy. I forget the name of the kind of African elephant that does this, but believe me it’s true.
They only do this once a year because they have the discipline to appreciate the moment then move on.
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12 Prayers You Can Use to Boost Your Career
Do you pray before work?
I’m not sure how many of you believe in a higher power, but for those of you who do, you may want to make praying a daily habit.
I’m a very spiritual person, but not a religious person. I was raised Lutheran, self-taught Buddhist, Yogi, and mix in a few others and I’ve kind of developed my own spiritual practice. Lately I’ve been getting up a half hour earlier and practicing Yoga by candle light. It’s a totally awesome wake up experience when I can find the energy to do it.
After I’m done my Yoga practice I take two minutes to pray. It’s been a huge boost to my happiness and my productivity. My interactions with friends, family and strangers has been much more pleasant.
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I Miss Your Bad Jokes When…
When you work with someone who annoys you, they can seem devastatingly awful. So awful that it can send you into a depression. Trust me – - it has happened to me.
Maybe it’s an annoying client who won’t stop emailing you, a co-worker who loves to click his pen all day long, or a boss who puts way too much work on your desk.
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What to do When You Hit a Creativity Wall
Why do we only get so far before we hit a wall? We know the wall will eventually come,and every time it knocks us on our ass.
This happens because we let our frustration overpower our curiosity.
We forget to love this wall. Hug this wall. It’s there for a reason.
They show us how much we care. If we just gave up when we faced a challenge it probably mean that our hearts weren’t in it in the first place.
We hit a wall and we kick it for being “stupid.” This is just a wall. A wall can’t be stupid. But we are afraid to label ourselves as stupid so we pick something outside of ourselves to label.
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