Have you ever been in a situation where you deserved more respect, but you couldn’t command it?

Feeling respected is a huge part of happiness. When we feel respected we are more confident.

This confidence carries into our interactions. When we are confident we want to improve friendships. We want to hang out. We want to jump into new projects that will challenge us.

Of course we all feel weak in certain situations. We can’t help but feel this way because we can’t be amazing in every situation. Sometimes we have to be humble and accept our situation at the moment. This can be good for you when you are a student learning from a teacher, but when you are expected to command respect you don’t have this option.

You have to know the hidden rules of communication that many people don’t realize exist.

We Aren’t Created Equal

You know that I’ve struggled with my work happiness. I’ve improved, but I still struggle. My career happiness fluctuates on a daily basis. I think a big part of my unhappiness in the past was due to my lack of respect from co-workers, friends, and strangers.

I wanted people to give me the respect that I hadn’t earned. When I stopped expecting respect there was a small shift in my attitude. I started developing ways to gain more respect.

I dissected how I’ve gained respect over the past few years and how it can be applied to other people’s lives and careers. There are 3 rules that we all must cultivate so we can unleash our superpowers to the world.

My Friend’s Story

I have a friend who can captivate an audience talking about cat litter. He literally can talk about the intricacies of cat litter for a long time, all the way down to how well it clumps. I’ve seen him do it. It’s not pretty, but it’s always fascinating.

He can also talk about the importance of communication in the workplace, but that doesn’t matter.

The message is important, but not really as important as two other skills I will discuss.

Before we get into those other skills I do want to talk about the message that you communicate.

1. Believe in Your Message

What you say is not as important as you complete dedication and belief in your message. If you don’t believe in your message then the other two skills won’t matter.

You have to have a message that is from your heart. That means you must know exactly what you want to communicate to people.

The best way to command respect is to align what you care about the most with what your audience cares about the most. If you aren’t sure what they care about, go to their Blog, Twitter or Facebook page and find out.

Once you have the concept of your message, the hard part begins.

2. Master Your Body Language

The second most important way to command respect is to take control of your body language. This is hard for most of us. The problem is that we aren’t all trained actors and most of us don’t study our movements in the mirror.

You don’t need to study at Juilliard to be able to apply the concepts of using your body language to gain respect.

You just have to learn the top 3 rules of body language.

#1. Adjust the Angle of Your Body

People want to feel attractive. If you aren’t sure how to make this happen then you are missing out on a huge part of gaining respect. I’m not talking about flirting and making people feel uncomfortable.

I’m talking about adjusting the angle of your body to show people that you care about who they are.

When you turn away from people, you aren’t projecting confidence. You look like you are trying to hide something. You look like you don’t want to be there with them.

When you are trying to project confidence you need to face people, so they feel like you like them. Of course it also helps to actually like them because the interaction will be more authentic.

#2. Lift Your Shoulders

The way your shoulders look indicates the way you are feeling. When your shoulders are slumped, you are conceding your 2nd tier status. When your shoulders are pulled up, you are showing that you aren’t scared.

You must show that you deserve respect. When you develop strong shoulders you are sending positive signals to yourself to attract more confidence. It’s the subtle signals that your shoulders give that you need to be aware of. When you believe in yourself, you convey signals that people want to follow.

#3. Use Your Facial Expressions Wisely

The most important visual signal is your facial expressions. People want to see how you react to a certain situation.

If you are in front of a crowd and you have a blank look on your face, they may take that as a sign that you are scared. If you aren’t smiling, they will most likely see this as a sign that you don’t want to be there.

I could just advise you to learn to smile more, but that’s not how interactions work. You have to be yourself. Smiling like a fool all the time will fool a small percentage of dummies who you really don’t want on your side anyway.

You have to learn to be yourself and allow your facial expressions to emerge naturally. The problem is that most people don’t realize what they are conveying. When you ask a question and people ignore you, what are you doing wrong? This is the point when you have to look in the mirror and try seeing what other people see. I also like to do this with a video camera. Make sure you delete them after you are done, so nothing leaks out to your Facebook friends.

After practicing using your facial expressions by yourself, you have to take it to the next level. Try them out on your co-workers, friends, and family. Are they paying more attention to you?

The more you practice commanding attention, the easier it will be to get the desired results.

3. Expressiveness

James Earl Jones was able to convey Darth Vador’s complicated evilness through his voice. He found the right tone and the rest is history.

The speakers you enjoy aren’t saying anything that new. They are speaking from their hearts and you are connecting with what they are saying in a new way.

You have to find out how you can deliver your message in a way that’s from your heart and feels new to the people who are listening to you.

This takes a lot of practice. I’ve been at it for over 2 years and I’m finally learning how to express myself so I hold people’s attention.

Putting Your Confidence on Display

Many of us don’t want to put ourselves out there to be judged. Our fear gets the best of our rational minds. We may know that we need to put ourselves out there in order to develop our strengths, but we resist because of how we think other people will react.

The knowing is easy, but acting on this information is hard.

You have to create a plan that will help you build the confidence to garner the respect that you deserve.

Your Plan for Respect

Know your Needs

You have to know how you want to be treated. If you want people to ask for your opinion then you have to be knowledgeable. If you want people to stop making jokes then you must find a way to create leverage and command respect.

Once you know your needs, you can begin to create small tests to see what feels right.

Test Your Ideas

This is where you have to embrace that fear and use it to help you develop your confidence. I have a client who hated marketing. She didn’t want to be on Facebook, Twitter, or do anything to grow her customer base.

We talked about her resistance and we saw a pattern. She didn’t want people to think that she was a fraud. She felt that if she put hours and hours into Twitter or Facebook that she would just be laughed at by more people. This can be scary, but the idea of closing down her business was even scarier. She knew what she needed to focus her energy on.

We talked about how we can measure her efforts and what was working and what wasn’t. Once she understood how to start small, we created a plan that made it easy for her to start and stay with her plan.

Fix and Adjust

After testing out your ideas, it’s important to understand what is working and what isn’t. Too many of us have ideas that sound great but just don’t work.

When you are trying to build your confidence, you have to be willing to admit mistakes. This willingness will help you build the confidence you need to gain the respect that will help you grow your career.

Putting it all Together

If you want to develop the respect that you feel you deserve, you have to be willing to put yourself out there to be judged. It’s the catch 22 of respect. We feel that if we put ourselves out there that we will be laughed at, so we hesitate to develop our superpowers.

You may encounter some small failures in the short term, but if you keep noticing your changing needs, testing out new theories, fixing the mistakes, and adjusting along the way, you’ll notice that you will command more respect every week.

You have to set the tone of your relationships. If someone at work isn’t treating you with the respect that you deserve, then you have to be willing to teach people how you want to be treated.  That means telling people what you expect, showing people how you want to be treated, and setting limits that are clear and easy to apply.

Your Turn

How do you gain respect from your peers?

When you feel disrespected, what do you do to gain that respect back?

* Need help leveraging your superpowers? Then check out my Superpower Coaching to see how I can help you bring in more clients, become more productive, and feel less stressed out.

* Many of you know I’m a big fan of Charlie’s productivity methods because it isn’t just about getting things done. It’s about how we feel through the process as well. I liked his post on not being the underdog and how it feels to be passed over to not contribute to something you would be perfect for.

If you enjoyed this post then you will probably like these too:

> How to Discover Your Superpowers

> The Law of Attraction and Your Career

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

Colleen Wainright of the Communicatrix is one of my favorite bloggers out in the world. She brings a dynamic personality that keeps me wanting more.

I believe that every person in the world should read her blog and here is why:

1. She writes sentences like this: “At the core of Ruth McBride’s story is the animating truth of the universe—love, love, love—which she freely admits and burns so brightly with, it’s positively dazzling, dazzlingly positive.”

2. She’s a story teller through and through.

3. She isn’t afraid to write about the truth.

4. Her about me picture is all teeth.

5. She has a short bio and a long ass bio.

6. She has an annual 100 Things I Learned List.

7. She wrote a post called “The black hole between okay and fantastic.”

8. I met her in person and Colleen is 10x cooler in person.

9. She is a good listener.

10. She talked me through some confidence issues.

11. She promotes other businesses.

12. She talked to me as if I was the most important person in the room.

13. She challenges herself to be more awesome.

14. You can hire her to help your company. (Although she is currently on hiatus).

15  She is all over the place helping people become more cool.

Now that you know how amazing Colleen is, go check out her blog and subscribe.

* Are you on Twitter? Then join over 3,500 people who get my stress relief tips, happiness ideas, and thought provoking quotes – click here @workhappynow

If you enjoyed this post then you will probably like these too:

> How to Discover Your Superpowers

> The Ultimate Guide to Releasing Your Career Frustrations

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

Are you dragging yourself to a job that just doesn’t interest you that much?

You aren’t alone.

Only 45% of Americans are actually happy at work. The other 55% need to do a better job of developing their desires into reality.

A person who is coasting or hating her job is doing herself and her company a disservice.

I used to be in the 55% category, that is, until I began making some small changes that led to a major shift.

You can also start making small changes that will lead to major changes.

You deserve to be so happy at your job that you wake up every morning thanking your lucky stars that life is so good.

I’m going to give you 7 power techniques to make your dream career a reality

1. Listen to your needs

In school we are taught to put our heads down, fall in line and not to make a fuss. You become afraid to get your needs met because it might piss someone off or you are afraid you still won’t be happy.

You have a right to love what you do. If you aren’t happy then it’s time to make some adjustments to yourself and your surroundings. Of course the hard part is figuring out how to do that, but luckily we have six more techniques to help you figure out how to meet your needs.

2. Improve your superpowers

Many experts tell you to focus on weaknesses. This is so wrong because you lose your emotional connection. You need to have deep understanding of your weaknesses, but focusing on your superpowers will bring the best results.

You must improve your superpowers in order to create the leverage that will allow you to take control of your career. If you are a great communicator but you’re stuck crunching numbers all day, then get out from behind your desk. You must get yourself out in front of people so you can use your verbal skills. Easily said but for some reason this is hard for most people to carry out.

The worst thing you can do is ask for permission. People have labeled you a number cruncher and that’s what they expect. You have to go out and shake hands or at least pick up that phone and make calls. Once people see the results, they will stop caring about your job description.

3. Research how others have succeeded

There are people out there who have the career that you want. How did they get it? Are they happy? What mistakes have they made?

Although, no one has your perfect career, they may have pieces of it. You have to talk to a lot of people to piece it together. The best part is that many of these people are accessible through the web. Go to their websites or Twitter accounts and ask them some questions. You’ll be surprised by the responses you set. I was able to get an interview with Tony Hsieh of Zappos.

When you figure out what works for other people, you can use those techniques to bring more success to your career.

4. Practice at work and at home

I’ve talked to a lot of people about work happiness over the past few years. When I’m coaching people with their careers I always ask what they are doing to improve their happiness at work. Most people don’t have an answer.

When I ask people what they are doing to improve their skills at work, they usually tell me about techniques that their employers have provided for them. They never think about building their skills on their own.

To create the career that will make you happy and wow your boss/clients, you must invest in yourself. I like to focus on one skill or personal development technique each month in order to strengthen my foundation. One of my weakest skills was cold calling. I decided to focus on this skill in order to improve both my speaking skills and my shyness. After focusing on cold calling for one month I now have no problem picking up the phone to talk about the benefits of work happiness. I’ve actually learned to enjoy it.

5. Know your limits

If you want to be an online blogger but you hate to write, you are going to have a lot of trouble making your career a success.

You have to know what you are willing to do and what you aren’t, then you will know what actions to focus on.

6. Appreciate your fears and push past them

Fear is your friend. It’s there to teach you what you need to pursue and what to ignore. The problem is that most of us run from fear instead of embracing it.

You probably have an idea of what your perfect career would be like, so hug your fears and use them as a guide to career success.

7. Encourage yourself every day

When you are a true friend to yourself, you stop tearing down your confidence and you build mental strength.

From this point forward, practice giving yourself gentle encouragement. This took me a while to learn, but repeated practice does work. If you make a mistake, try not to beat yourself up. Listen to your thoughts, both positive and negative. Notice how you feel and then try to think of one thing you learned from your mistake. This lesson will help you see the encouraging aspects of your mistakes.

Positive inner dialog will help you build confidence and develop stronger intrinsic motivation.

Putting it all together

Understanding your needs is the only way you will stop doing work you hate. You have to listen to your inner dialog as if it’s a trusted friend. This inner dialog may feel like your arch nemesis, but it isn’t. Your arch nemesis is there to show you what you need to focus on. When you are willing to allow your dreams to encourage you to take action then you’ve taken away your arch nemesis’ favorite weapon: fear.

* Join over 900 people who have already subscribed to the FREE Happy at Work 10 Week eCourse. It will arrive in your inbox every Monday morning, when you need it the most. (Sign up is in the top left corner)

* Marc and Angel Hack Life has an excellent blog post about living life to the fullest. I’ve tried most of the ideas and they do work.

If you enjoyed this post then you will probably like this one too:

> My Arch Nemesis Dr. Oatzel Almost Stole My Superpowers

Image courtesy of Orangeacid

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

I’ve been on a mission to make your business/career a happier place. So far so good, but now it’s time for me to put out some products to help you level up your superpowers. I’ve been working on a few ideas that I know will help you, but I don’t want to sell you something that you don’t want to buy.

So here is how this will work…

I created an online survey that will help me develop products that will help you become happier, more creative and successful in your business/career.

Please fill out the questionnaire and give me your feedback. We are on this journey together. The happier I help you become, the happier I become. It’s a win-win for both of us.

Thanks for being so awesome. I can’t thank you enough for everything that you do to support Work Happy Now.

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!