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Failures You Should Either Release or Keep Pursuing
Almost every detailed task, topic, or report is harder than it initially exposes itself to be. It always takes more time and more effort. This happens because our thoughts are fluid. We imagine ourselves working hard and everything magically coming together, when in reality we come across many obstacles that suck away our energy and creativity.
Our energy is what fools us into trying for the impossible. No one wants to be viewed as a fool. We look at those first couple of weeks of American Idol and we wonder why most of them even try. They wait in line for hours only to be laughed at.
By understanding our strengths and weaknesses, we can maximize our success. Do those awful singers really know how bad they are? I believe that most of them are fooled by what they want to see. They only listen to the people that praise every note they sing. They are tricking themselves into believing their talent will take them to great fame and fortune.
It’s Easier to Believe a Dream than the Truth
If we are going to enjoy what we do and make a living at it, we will need to understand which are real dead ends and which look like dead ends. We must separate the impossible illusions from achievable reality to make success easier. This concept has been a thorn in many people’s sides. We’ll explore why many of us, myself included, keep failing and trying something new over and over again, but never break through to real success. We will then learn how to avoid this trap and excel at what we love to do.
Where is Your Motivation?
Everyone fails, whether it be your hard working father or Bill Gates. They fail in small ways every day, but they put it behind them and try a little harder the next day. They know that there is a learning curve to every new thing. The smarter they work the more successful they become. They are able to align their talents with their passions.
Let’s say you have tried to write a book. If you are like most people you’ve probably started one and never finished it. (If you haven’t, you can substitute book for some other very difficult creative project.) You probably had a brilliant idea and got all excited. Then you hit your first wall. You put it aside and never came back.
If you ever tried writing a novel your motivation probably got stuck when trying to tie the character’s first adventure into the next. The scene becomes a story and you have to account for character synthesis, plot, and story line. The difficulty level increases exponentially. This is a common problem. Then you try to get yourself to sit back down and continue writing, but you just never can find the desire to make it happen. Maybe it’s a significant other or another grand project that demands your attention. Whatever it is, that initial excitement fades.
When you finally have some time to really think about the book you wanted to write, you decide your time is better spent somewhere else. Maybe it’s that good book that you always wanted to read or the fear of getting stuck again that distracts you from your initial burst of creative energy. It doesn’t matter. You make a conscious decision to fail because the project isn’t worth your time.
How To Let Go Of Your Expectations
Failure is such a harsh word, so we’ll call it a release. You released that project because the motivation was gone. This is a good thing. I’ve started hundreds of projects in my life and probably finished 10% of them. Not every project should be finished; actually most should be released. If you are anything like me (ADD gifted) you probably have many interests, and although it’s fun to dabble, it is usually when a project gets more difficult that it pushes you to give up.
Most of us couldn’t fathom training to climb Mount Everest for a year or two then taking the risk to reach the summit. Why would someone do this?
It doesn’t pay out gobs of money; in fact it costs a lot of money and time to make it all happen. I believe a person does this for two main reasons.
- They want to challenge themselves in ways that will help them understand who they are.
- Social status – If I’m honest and understand that it’s okay to appease the ego for the right reasons then I admit that it probably does feel good to tell people the story of climbing one of the most treacherous mountains in the world.
When we push ourselves past our comfort threshold we become stronger. This can lead to happiness. Not because of the obvious accomplishment, reaching the peak, but because it changes our outlook. We see life differently after we write a book or climb Mount Everest. It gives us a glimpse into our greatness. We all know that we are great, but we don’t believe it until we do something so difficult and exciting that it changes us forever. The problem that occurs when we fail is that our ego takes a hit. We become afraid.
Fear dictates our future choices. We don’t want to be perceived as the William Hung of what we love to do. We want to succeed. We want to succeed so bad that it holds us down. The difficult part is understanding when to let go and when to dig deeper and go for it all.
3 Questions You Must Ask Yourself to Understand When to Let Go or Push Through
I designed a three step process to help you understand your fear, release it and make the smart decision to continue with the project or let it go and try something else. First you must find a quiet place to be with your thoughts. Then…
1. Ask yourself, “Why am I really doing this?”
We fool ourselves into thinking that we are doing something because we want to accomplish an audacious goal, but in reality we may be doing it for someone else. You have to do some soul searching and make sure that you really want to accomplish this goal. If you do then move on to step 2. If even the thought of continuing the project makes you cringe then don’t even think another second about it, just release it; it’s not worth your time. Down deep you know that it isn’t in your best interest to tackle the project.
2. Where is the excitement coming from?
Are you working on your project and it gets that little spot in your gut excited, or are you doing it because you have to? When you can honestly answer that it feels good then you move on to step 3. If you aren’t excited about the project then there is no reason to stick with it, but be careful. Don’t throw away two years of work because you are in a grumpy mood. Let these thoughts settle, talk to a close friend or family member, and if the excitement is still gone then release it.
3. How does this project fit into the future you?
Part A: This is the last step that most people leave off. Let’s use the novel example. You may want to write a book, but are you doing it because you have something to say or are you doing it because you want the results of having a published book? More than 90% of books that are published each year fail in the publishers eyes because they don’t make enough money to cover the cost of printing and marketing the book, but it won’t be a failure to the writer that has larger plans. He knows that it will take work to market this book and he does it because he wants to help others. He knows it takes years to build an audience and he isn’t going anywhere any time soon so he may as well work his butt off to get that book up and running. The hard work fits into his goal for his future.
Part B: If you are doing work for someone else, you may not like it but you must ask yourself, “Is this helping the ‘future me’?” So when your boss asks you to do a certain project do you usually feel appreciated after it’s complete and do you also feel like it will help your career? If the answer “yes,” then that’s great, but if you are doing it all for the paycheck then maybe it’s time to drop that dead end job (even if you are making good money). Next week we’ll go into more detail about how your career pursuits affect your future.
Part C: If you like to paint and it’s only a hobby then the stress won’t overwhelm you. The desire to paint isn’t as powerful and you may go weeks without picking up a brush, but you can enjoy each stroke that you create because you are doing it to relax your thoughts. It fits into the “future you” because you want to create in a “stress free” state of mind.
Here’s Where Your Focus Kicks In
Some of you keep starting new websites, jobs, books, and the like because you want to keep that excitement going. As soon as your energy fades you’re jumping to that next thing.
This is where you have to get your emotional weight scales out. If a new idea pops into your head, please jot down a few notes, let the idea come out, but then let it rest for a few days. Then compare your most important project to this new idea and try to feel which one has more potential. This may seem difficult, but the best way to figure this out is to ask yourself which gets you more excited. If it matches with the one that has the most potential then it’s an easy choice. If one of your projects gets you excited, but the other has more potential then you need to go back to question 1 to break the tie. Ask yourself why you are switching from one project to another. If you are doing it because you are bored then switch to the more exciting project, but if you are doing it because you are frustrated then it’s time to dig a little deeper by doing some more research or asking a friend for help so you can get a fresh angle. Finishing a creative project is the most difficult step because there is no finish line. That’s why you must resist doing too many things at once. Your focus must stay close to the project or you’ll lose track of its direction.
One Big Project at a Time
You should only have one big project on your plate at a time. It’s important to get it up and running, let it get some energy underneath it and have a life of its own. Now that this blog has a good base of articles I have split my attention to other areas. I’m constantly coming back to the site, but I can focus on another big project and get that up and running. The hard part for us ADD workers is picking a few projects to juggle and not stretching ourselves too thin, which waters down the value. As soon as you feel this happening then you need to drop the weakest project like a hot potato. Burned fingers and scattered thoughts make for added frustration. Just try to forget about it and concentrate on the one plan that has the most potential. If the weaker idea has enough lasting value, you’ll come back to it, if not, then it’s time to release it.
No project, relationship, or challenge can be considered a failure if it helps the person improve his/her life in some way. I’m on my fourth book and in some people’s eyes these past projects might be failures. They aren’t published, and in many writers’ expectations that’s a failure, but to me they are stepping stones to a smarter and stronger me. I’m building my talents to bring value to people’s lives.
You need to work on projects that will bring a smarter and stronger you into the present. The more you try and fail, the stronger you’ll get. The more you try and succeed, the smarter you’ll get. You put both of those traits together and you’ll be building a successful career that’s going to make you happy.
Next week I will post about how to apply these feelings to your career. We’ll look at our careers and see why they’ve led us to this position in life and when it’s time to quit, dig deeper or accept our position and find happiness and excitement somewhere else.
What was your most important reason for sticking with a difficult project? When do you know that you’ve hit a dead end on a bad project and it needs to be released? Let’s continue the discussion in the comment section.
Articles to help you understand your career happiness:
- You Should be Celebrating Your Average and Tiny Successes
- Building Your Future Career Foundation
- Notice the Every Day WOW
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Image courtesy of M Dot
11 Comments »
Building Your Future Career Foundation
I recently read a post from Ittybiz that made me think about my own career. 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Have A Cushion Before You Quit Your Job. I am currently working at a job that’s not my perfect fit, but I still get a lot out of the experience. I’ve thought about quitting and just making a go of speaking and writing about work happiness, but I’m not ready. I know that it’s my dream; I’m just in need of a little more seasoning before I go out on my own. I also need more support from other people in my life. It’s not the fault of the people that are currently in my life, but the need to add people who can open doors for my career.
Your uncle in the cardboard box business isn’t going to help you find those freelance writing gigs that you’ve been trying to land or introduce you to the CEO of your ultimate company. You need to connect with people who have influence in your field. That means being the persistent giver that loves to help others.
Personal Story to Cement My Point
When my wife finished her student teaching, unofficially graduating from college, she went back to work for that teacher for free. At first I was like, “What are you doing? Go enjoy your summer,” but after talking to her and understanding her goals I began to understand her wise choice. The teacher wanted to move into school administration. Nikki kept her face and hard work ethic right in front of that teacher’s eyes. When the teacher decided to leave, she recommended Nikki for the position. The principal didn’t even consider any other candidates.
Career Enhancers Radar
You need to put yourself on the radar of the people who can help you. If that means sending a hand written note with a little present that doesn’t cost more than a few bucks, so be it. If that means doing a little extra work so you stand out from the crowd, so what if you lose out on a weekend or two.
It’s about building a network that will support you during tough and good times. Without it you’ll be a lonely coconut just hanging on and hoping not to fall before you are ready. Find those other coconuts, join their clump, but don’t be afraid to switch clumps when you need more help and always keep in touch with those other clumps with a phone call or an email. If you do fall, your old group may be able to send down a monkey to bring you back into the tree for a little more seasoning.
That’s why I have to respectfully disagree with Naomi that you just need to quit your job. I think you need to build a network of people who can help you find clients, investors, and connections that will beget success. I do agree that there will never be a perfect time. Quitting your job will force you to make connections that you never would have tried to make if it weren’t for some pressure. Yes, you will need to take the leap if you want to own your own business, sooner is better than later, otherwise you’ll just look back on your life wishing that you took that chance to work for yourself. But don’t do it without a support system from people in the industry in which you want to work, otherwise you’ll be floundering for air, begging for a job instead of being confident in each meeting.
How many trusted people do you truly believe are in your network that will help your career? What do you do to foster these relationships?
Related Articles to Creating the Career that You Deserve:
- Just a Little More Effort for True Happiness
- What Working Happy is All About
- How You Are Silently Signaling Your Co-workers to Treat You
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Image courtesy of Steffe
12 Comments »
Never Stop Expanding Your Network
You may do your job well, even so well that no one can complain, but you never get ahead. This career trap can cause many problems. The cause of the problem may be that you are one dimensional. You are so good at what you do and you’ve become so comfortable that you’ve stopped sharing thoughts, ideas, and helpful hints.
I’ve seen friends fall into this trap. When they need to expand their network they ignore the signs.
- Co-workers stop coming to them for help.
- They don’t reach out to people below and above them.
- They don’t take advantage of programs that might help them expand their skills.
Your Corporate Network
Many of you may be imagining some old man on the verge of retirement that has trouble adapting to the latest computer programs at work. This happens at every age. I’m relatively young, 32, but a few months ago I felt like I had become complacent at my job and I wasn’t keeping my co-worker network strong.
I decided to start calling people within the organization to just say hi. I always make it short and sweet and keep the conversation on them. They love it. They have been more willing to help me out with a problem instead of pushing me on to someone else.
Customer Network
This same problem happens with your customer base. When we get too comfortable and we stop reaching out to old contacts, we hinder the circular flow of love from our networks that helps us succeed.
You have to communicate to all levels within the organization to stay on the pulse of your company or your business, but you don’t have to push from just one angle. If you sell refrigerators and all you do is talk about how good they are, all day every day, people will tune you out.
Talk to people about what they enjoy most – themselves. Let them remember you for your graciousness and they will return the favor.
What do you do to expand your network?
Related Career Tips and Advice:
- Give It Your All, Not for Your Boss, But for Your Own Work Happiness
- Losing Heart In My Company – Reader’s Question
- Tell Your Boss You Need Leisure Time
* Buzzoodle Marketing wrote about being one dimensional, which spurred this article.
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Image courtesy of luc legay
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Give It Your All, Not for Your Boss, But for Your Own Work Happiness
I’m a fan of many blogs around the globe, but one of my favorites is Get Rich Slowly. J.D., the MC and writer extraordinaire of GRS, always impresses me with little bits of wisdom. He wrote a post, The Difference Between a Career and a Job, that articulated what Work Happy Now is all about.
“During the summer after my freshman year of college, I worked as a busboy at the Holiday Inn. I was the best busboy I could be. While the other guys stood around during slack times, I looked for ways to help in the kitchen or to prepare for the lunch rush.”
J.D. went on to say…
“As a result, I got better tips from the waitresses. The manager trained me to run the cash register. Sometimes I even got to help the pantry chef. I wasn’t looking for a career in food service, and I wasn’t trying to brown-nose. But I enjoyed the work and gave it all I had. This made the job fun, and earned respect from people who mattered: from my boss, and from his boss, the hotel manager.”
Many of us just do what we need to get by and we think that we are beating the system. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been guilty of this. All we are doing when we refuse to try our best is failing to find happiness in the work we accomplish. How did I learn enjoy my job and stop being a slacker? I searched for the positive in every task, even the small crappy ones. I developed the habit of looking for the tiniest glimmer of joy in everything that I did. Even when I’m stuffing 1,000 marketing bags at work I still find the joy in the effort.
When stuffing marketing bags I realized that I could:
- Listen to my iPod
- Dance as I did my work
- Think of grand plans that will help me in my future writing, speaking and website career. (It became a meditation on the future me.)
When my joy waned at a job that didn’t fit my personality, that’s when it was time to quit. It was as simple as understanding that I got all I could out of the job and I had to develop my skills some where else.
J.D.’s post was inspired by Trent over at The Simple Dollar and his post about the difference between a job and a career – a job being a way to just make money (putting in the time for the paycheck) and a career being a way to learn, grow and develop skills. When we look at work as time to just put in the hours then we’re feeding into our fear. We’re afraid to put in effort for the amount of return. The problem with this attitude is that work is much more than money. It’s also a way to improve ourselves. When we become disengaged, boredom sets in and makes the job torturous. Many of us also become attached to the routine and we’re afraid to leave. Fear makes the cycle go around and around.
J.D. wrapped up his post with:
“So what’s the difference between a career and a job? I don’t believe there is one. A career is simply a lifetime of jobs, whether those jobs are related or not. And while it’s important to focus on your future goals, it’s even more important to focus on doing the best you can right now at your current job.”
We all reach a certain point in every job that kills our spirit, but releasing these feelings and getting back to seeing the joy in accomplishing good work should matter more to a person. If your job doesn’t do this for you then find something that will keep you reaching for new goals. There is a career/job out there that will fulfill your needs.
It’s time to let go of the fear and start taking baby steps toward finding this new line of work, but for now try to notice one thing during the worst part of your working day that has something positive in it.
It could be:
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Stepping out of your normal routine and appreciating the ability to put clear thoughts together
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Taking a break to talk to a co-worker
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Being in the moment and not worrying about where you should be in life, just enjoying each movement as you accomplish your task.
What’s the worst job you’ve ever had and how did you make it through your days there?
Don’t forget to check out J.D.’s whole article at Get Rich Slowly.
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