Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Tim Handorf of Best Colleges Online.

Have you ever found yourself facing an unfamiliar situation that seems impossible to resolve?

Have you ever felt as though your previous experiences and current skills haven’t sufficiently prepared you for this newest task?

I ask because I recently faced my toughest challenge yet, and I want to share with you what I did to persevere.

Last May, I lost my job. I was teaching literature at a university when I learned that they could not renew my contract due to budget restrictions. I had earned a PhD in Literature, had devoted myself to sharing my passion with others, and suddenly I could no longer pursue my dream.

I worried about my teaching prospects. I had moved to a city to be near my family, and I didn’t want to leave them again, so the chances of relocating were unlikely. The economic downturn had hit education hard, and nearby universities and high schools had no openings. I realized that my specialized skill-set, which made me a great candidate for a teaching job, hurt me as I looked for a new career. So here’s what I did to overcome my lack of confidence. Hopefully my process can help you too.

Find Support

I turned to my support network: my family, my friends, and my colleagues. If I wanted to find a job, I would have ask for help. I relied on a friend’s human resources knowledge for resume and cover letter tips. I asked my teaching colleagues to be references. I vented to them on my bad days.

In stressful times, you must lean on those closest to you for support, whether you’re getting ready for a big presentation or setting out on your own business venture.

Apply your Skill-Set

I had to make potential employers see me as a valuable asset to their organization.  I made a list of my skills and experiences and brainstormed possible applications. For example, I taught many college students, so this translated into an ability to communicate well and collaborate with others. Because I graded papers, I had a strong understanding of the writing process and could apply it to different contexts. I soon created a skill set that made me an ideal writer for a communications company. I only lacked professional experience.

Try to list some ways your own skills and experiences apply to new situations. You might have to think creatively in order to match them up, but you might surprise yourself with how capable you really are!

Set Reasonable Goals

I came up with a list of goals I had to accomplish in order to find a job.  I tutored part-time, in order to maintain my employment status. I decided to start blogging in order to create some writing samples that I could show to employers. I sought freelance work, which gave me practice at writing projects on a deadline.

When you have a large goal for yourself, you can sometimes ease the stress by breaking your process into steps. Each step has a goal that is easier to attain.

Develop a Routine

In the mornings, I searched for jobs, writing down anything that looked good. Mid-mornings, I tutored for a couple hours, came home, ate lunch, and then began writing my applications and working on freelance projects. By the end of each week, I had sent out five applications. Even though I didn’t have a job, I felt like I was working hard.

You can use a routine to help keep your mind busy, to make yourself feel productive, and to get useful practice for when crunch time finally rolls around.

Never Stop Dreaming

My hard work paid off. Four months later, I was offered a position as a content writer for an internet company, and my freelance business is increasing. Despite my new career, I will always dream of being a tenured professor. While I am committed to my new job, I consider it another step along the way to realizing my dream.

In my opinion, this is the most important step: never stop believing that you will one day achieve your goals, regardless of what those goals are or how difficult the process becomes.

Bio: This guest post is contributed by Tim Handorf, who writes on the topics of online colleges.

* Follow Work Happy Now on Twitter. Join over 3,600 people who get happiness tips, productivity tips, and thought provoking quotes. @workhappynow

* The Dumb Little Man blog posted a thoughtful piece on timeless happiness techniques. It’s a must read for personal development beginners.

If you enjoyed this post then you will probably like these too:

> You Need Mind Numbing Work

> 7 Skills You Need to Develop a Career that You Love

Image courtesy of @ly$ in wonderland

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

I want to thank a reader (Melanie sent me a lovely email) for picking me up, giving me a pat on the butt and making me smile.

My point is this…

Confidence Affects My Work

“In order to recognize our self-image, we can no longer identify with it. In other words, we have to learn how to objectify our own mental processes.”
- Matthew Flickstein, Journey to the Center

When we have confidence in who we are, we feel like we are on top of the world. The problem is these fleeting feelings are all a big chase. I know that I’m advocating solid ideas on Work Happy Now, but sometimes I do give in to self doubt. I worry that I could be giving more value. I worry that people will get bored with the content.

These are natural feelings, but sometimes they are very hard to deal with.

Our Interpretations

We create stories, ideas, and problems that can hurt our confidence. It’s up to us to pick and choose what helps us become stronger people, but we can’t let our personal interpretations dictate how we feel. We need to be able to stand back from the negative and positive and just smile. Both give us value. Both teach us.

Your problems and personal stories aren’t necessarily good or bad until you decide that they are so. Finding your own mental/emotional strength will help you take your career and life to a new level. You don’t need your boss to compliment your every move. You don’t have to let a negative comment bring you so far down that you question your choices.

You can stand back from the push and pull of petty and sweet comments. You understand that many comments can be interpreted as political, skewed, and confused. Nothing is ever as it really seems. There are always layers beneath layers.

Thank you, Melanie, for showing me my weakness in a new light. While your compliment helped me, there are times I rely on others too much. It helped me reconnect with the strength that I have inside myself that can’t be touched by the way that other people treat me on any given day. Melanie might love what I do, but I don’t rest my confidence on her. I can’t. If I expected a wonderful email every single day to keep my confidence soaring high, I would be unhappy on most days.

Emotional Strength

I’ve developed a lot of emotional strength in my fifteen year working career, but sometimes I still fall into the bad habit of taking someone’s comment too seriously. In reality, what people say doesn’t define me. Nothing defines me, not even me. (I know that sounds a little existential, but interpretation is a tricky thing.)

That is why interpreting thoughts is an art, not a science. There is no black and white, only various shades of emotions.

I’m learning to step away from my thought process and the feelings that result from my thoughts. Once you learn to stop allowing your interpretations to dictate how you feel, you will begin to improve your emotional intelligence. The last time you were in a good mood and you heard something negative, how did you react? You probably didn’t let it affect your confidence, but how about a similar comment when your confidence was on shaky ground? I bet it was more likely to send you into a tizzy, an emotional whirlwind, because you interpreted the person’s statement depending on how you felt at the time.

Perceptual Contrast

When we interpret comments and actions based on our own or someone else’s feelings, we get a distorted perspective. This ends up happening every time someone makes a comment because we are always in some kind of mood. This perceptual contrast dictates our feelings. We often fool ourselves because we believe what feels good. When we are able to recognize this, we can adjust accordingly.

If you have an argument with a co-worker about a controversial subject like abortion rights, then you must be willing to understand that the person may have a history that you don’t know about. Don’t be so stubborn that you can’t acknowledge their feelings. When you can learn to use emotional intelligence, you will win friends instead of creating enemies.

You may feel that the other person is wrong, and that’s ok, but it’s important to understand that it’s their perception of their own personal experiences that has brought them to their conclusion.

You shouldn’t get too attached to your own thoughts either. Once your ego decides to defend your feelings, it’s tough to let go and move on.

You should listen to others, but don’t let it touch your soul. The “core you” that knows what you are trying to accomplish should be strong and stay strong. It’s when you aren’t sure about what you are trying to do that negative comments tend to shake your foundation if you feel your foundation weakening then reassess. If you decide that you are on emotionally shaky ground but your idea is solid, then just continue on. If it feels more like these comments hit your “core you,” then maybe you were fooling yourself into believing a lie in the first place.

Only you know where your confidence is grounded. That’s why reflection is so important. It helps you separate the comments that really matter from the ones that can be let go so you can get back to doing work that matters to you.

What are your thoughts? Do you feel that confidence affects your work? Do you feel that the “core you” should be fluid or solid?

Join over 300 people who have already subscribed to the FREE Happy at Work 10 Week eCourse. It will arrive in your inbox every Monday morning. When you need it the most.

***

Need help with your career? Check out Miriam’s blog Keppie Careers. One of my latest favorites is Tenacity in the job hunt – does it define you?

If you enjoyed this post you’ll probably like these too:

• How to Build Confidence at Work
• 55 Tips to Make Work More Fun
• Does Luck Play a Role at Your Job?

Image courtesy of bejealousofme

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

* This is a guest post from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous.

I used to be really happy at work and looked forward to going into my office every day.  Most of the projects I worked on were challenging-in a good way-and engaged my interest and curiosity, I had a great bunch of colleagues, and we were even able to laugh when Murphy’s Law would strike with a vengeance!  Things started to change about six years ago when  a new director was parachuted into the position, despite the fact that it was supposed to have been posted as an open competition:  Therein marked the beginning of the end of the positive, upbeat morale and warm atmosphere that characterized our department.

It became pretty clear, fairly quickly, that this boss’s management style and interpersonal skills were going to be a challenge for all of us at times.  Specifically, we started seeing some “interesting” approaches to anger/stress/frustration management and increasing tendencies to back-bite others in the organization, as well as a reluctance to deal with an occupational health issue on more than one occasion, and periodic bullying of various staff members by our boss. (For the record, I encouraged these individuals to document and report their experiences but they were reluctant to do so, for whatever reasons.)

The Tipping Point

I have a pretty good sense of the tipping point that triggered the Kafka-esque nightmare that has unfolded over the last year, but I may never know for absolute certain (and frankly don’t really care at this point) what twisted perceptions and logic prompted my boss to perceive me as a threat and decide to make me the Target (1) of bullying.  Yes, I did say “perceived as a threat.” I know pop culture and the mush media of sitcoms and most movies poke fun at Targets of bullying by portraying them as nerdy losers, but the reality is quite different in the work place.  The Targets of bullies are usually greatly esteemed by their colleagues (or were before the bully thoroughly poisoned the well), highly skilled,competent, successful, courteous, considerate and pleasant people.  A good site to learn more about this issue is http://www.bullybusters.org.

Over the last year I have experienced various kinds of exclusionary behaviors (being kept out of important information loops, ignored, socially isolated) from my colleagues and my boss, and endured numerous instances of verbal abuse (there are a whole range of actions that go beyond merely yelling, insulting and swearing), crazy making behaviors, unfair practices and a lack of clarity in communications from my boss.  (I counted 24 separate incidents in an eight month period.)

Mistakes

I was fortunate in that I recognized the bullying behaviors for what they were, so I didn’t waste a lot of energy wondering what I’d done “wrong” or blaming myself for what was going on, but I wish I’d started researching more about workplace bullying and, more importantly, how to bully-proof myself MUCH earlier in the process.  Not having those strategies cost me dearly in some ways because, among other things, I made some classic mistakes in how I was responding to the bully.

The second mistake I made was to take my concerns to someone in our H.R. department.  I soon found out, as was later confirmed for me in Gary and Ruth Namie’s book The The Bully at Work that HR people are actually not a resource when it comes to bullied employees; they are there for the employers.

The third mistake that I made, because I was trying to be reasonable and look for a win-win solution, was to agree to a mediated discussion instead of going straight to making a formal complaint and directing it to the president of the organization.  (I’m keeping that option as a backup in case the mediation doesn’t work.)

Finding Help

I’m happy to say that I had also managed to intuitively do a lot of things correctly in this whole process.  As indicated, I recognized the situation for what it was (bullying) so I was able to depersonalize the experience a bit-and meticulously document the incidents, with dates and approximate times.  I had a fabulous support network of loved ones, family and friends who stood by me unequivocally and provided tea, sympathy and hugs as requested.  I also found myself a really good counsellor who uses EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for reducing the trauma of the experience, as well as a counsellor who specializes in helping Targets to bullyproof themselves and teaching them some effective bullybusting strategies.  The rest of the healing involved taking good care of myself, spending more time meditating and planning how to move on and set up my own small business and being grateful for all that is good in my life.

I would say that in the case of workplace bullying, the sooner one recognizes what is going on in the workplace, and calls it for what it is, the sooner one can accept that about the only way to heal and regain the ability to be happy at work is to get out of the place as soon as is feasible-and in the meantime bullyproof yourself and ruthlessly bullybust as and when required.  I know our western culture is big on promoting the ideals of “toughing it out” and “not giving up”, etc, but those cultural commands will kill your soul–assuming the stress doesn’t literally kill you or make you very ill–if you stay too long in a toxic or abusive workplace.  No job is worth your health and happiness.

Note from Karl: Bullying in the work place is a very serious issue; I went through it. I love how this reader never took the situation personally and was proactive in seeking help. If you are being bullied at your job, please find help.

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

(email subscribers: click here to go to Work Happy Now to view the video)

What you do and how you do your work matters. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t care whether your job was done well. Since you care (most of you do), you probably try so hard sometimes that it can wreck your confidence if things don’t go the way you plan them. It’s up to each individual person to understand their strengths and not need to rely on other people to feel confident.

I shot this video to explain how I’ve built my confidence. I still have moments of weakness, like most of you, but I always come back stronger. Every negative comment, weird look from a co-worker, or bad feeling can bring me down if I dwell on them. I just have to learn to seperate people’s comments and actions from how I view myself.
Everyone has their own agenda, so one person’s comments might seem positive, but in reality they are negative. And vice versa. One of the best ways to build our own confidence is by helping other people become stronger and focusing on improving ourselves every single day.

The above video took me 21 takes before I got it right. The video below is take number 16. I was becoming frustrated by my inability to nail the take. I freaked out at 2:12 in the video. I’m not afraid to show this because it’s actually quite funny.

No one is perfect, far from it, but we do have to enjoy the process. I enjoyed all 21 takes to get the right message across.

*

One of the best business blogs on the planet is Guy Kawasaki – How to change the world. He breaks the business world down so you can make the world a better place.

*

If you liked this video post there are plenty more to come, so join up in my RSS feed via a Reader or Email.

*

Give these a try:

• Work Worth Doing
• Where is Your Focus
• You Are Awesome

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

(If you have trouble viewing this video click here and watch it at Work Happy Now)

You have every right to be awesome. No scratch that, you are awesome. You just need to give that part of yourself a big hug and let it all out for the world to see and learn to love.

*

I met so many cool people at SXSW.

Havi of the Fluent Self – Such a quiet cool that just makes the people around her relaxed.

Naomi of IttyBiz – A rambunctious cool that just makes people want to agree with everything she said.

Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project – A curious cool who wasn’t afraid to learn from me, even though her audience is huge compared to mine.

Chris Brogan – A humble funny cool that makes everyone hang on his words.

Pam Slim of Escape from Cubicle Nation- A confident cool that lets you know she isn’t afraid.

Jonathon Fields of Career Renegade – A calm cool that made me feel like I could launch my career into something really exciting.

Guy Kawasaki – A smart cool that had the pulse on the people around him.

Tony Hsieh – A zen cool that made me feel awed by his presence.

Gary Vaynerchuk – An infectious cool that makes you want to kick the competition’s ass.

If you enjoyed this post then you’ll like these videos too:

• Bring Hope Back to Your Company
• Forcing a Smile Can Make You Happy
• Work in the Now

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

Being a man in today’s workplace isn’t easy. There are always more unwritten and official rules that we must follow. What was okay a year ago might have changed, but I believe the core principals of being a man in the workplace haven’t changed.

The core principals of being a man at work are timeless. I’m not talking about honor and draping your coat across copy toner that spilled on the floor. I’m talking about values that every man should possess in the workplace.

Here are the 12 ways to live consciously as a man at work:

1. Thinks Outside the Box

A man is able to think outside of the normal range of choices to find the best solution. He doesn’t keep going back to the same idea well, using old resources to solve a new issue. He dedicates himself to constantly create and has a willingness to listen to other people’s ideas no matter what level they are within the company.

2. Not Afraid to Make a Mistake

A man who isn’t afraid to make a mistake will be more willing to take a risk and win big. To be a great co-worker or boss a man can’t just do what is expected; he needs to try things beyond his comfort level and fail. Then use those failures as a way to make himself and the company better.

3. Gives Others Credit

He won’t take credit for other people’s work. If he would he knows that it will come around to bite him in the butt (Karma). He makes sure that no matter how good the idea is, he informs the powers that be that he supported the idea, but didn’t come up with it on his own.

4. Regulates His Emotions

A man understands that emotions are a part of working life, but he never ever lets them dictate his choices. He knows how to control his emotions so he doesn’t blow up at a colleague or staff member. All emotions pass and there is no reason to take out frustrations on someone that deserves to be treated with compassion.

5. Trusts Others

A man knows he can’t do it all alone. Whether he runs a one man business or is a CEO of 5,000 employees, when he needs help he asks for it. He trusts that the person he asks will do a good job. If a person or company fails him, he lets them know and if it happens more than twice he lets the employee go if necessary or takes his business else where.

6. Confident

A man trusts his own choices. He uses logic to ascertain the situation then trusts his instincts to come out on top. If he fails, he acknowledges it and moves on to the next pressing thing on his list.

7. Believes What He Says

He makes statements he believes in. He won’t make up information to cover his butt and he sure won’t say that he believes in an idea when he doesn’t. He isn’t afraid to put himself on the line for a good idea, but refuses to go along with a bad idea because the rest of the group wants him to.

8. Looks People in the Eyes

A man always looks people in the eyes because of rule # 6. He is confident in who he is and isn’t afraid to show it.

9. Respects His Superiors but Never Kisses Butt

A man respects his boss’s choices, but never kisses his/her butt to get ahead. If the boss has a bad idea he may voice his opinion, but doesn’t pout as he continues to work on the project that he doesn’t believe in. He knows that he isn’t perfect and neither is his boss, so the boss must be given leeway to make mistakes too.

10. Makes Quick Decisions with the Information He Has

A man gathers the best information that is at his disposal and makes the best choice he can with the information that he has and never looks back. His choices are only as good as the information that he has, so if he makes a mistake he doesn’t beat himself up because he tried his best to make a good choice.

11. Listens to Co-workers Opinions

A man listens to his co-workers before he makes a decision. He believes that there should be input from all levels before a project goes into effect. The collective mind is smarter than any single individual. But if they don’t like what he says then he must weigh out their opinions. If he still believes in his idea then he must go with it; hopefully everyone else will understand his choice.

12. Increases His Wisdom

Every great man improves at work by researching better ways to do his job, whether it be through classes, mentors, conferences, or reading a book. He does it to constantly improve himself and become more valuable to the people who depend on him.

-

Steve Pavlina wrote an article “How to Be a Man,” which inspired this article. He also threw a gauntlet down on writing a post about “How to Be Woman,” so I took the challenge. You can read my article “How to Be a Woman at Work” right here and don’t forget to check out the comments where I got beat up by some of my readers and defended by others. It was a cool discussion.

With that being said, all of the traits could also apply to women. That’s the beauty of this day an age. The barriers and mental boxes aren’t as strict. We are growing as a working culture. We still have a long way to go, but I love the direction we are heading.

Related Articles:

• How to Be a Woman at Work
• Emotional Intelligence Improves the Workplace
• Work Bullies are Stressful

-

Image courtesy of jpeepz

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!