(Can’t see the video? Then try watching it at Work Happy Now – The Hard, The Fun and The Beautiful – Puffy Smile Edition)

Where we are free to talk about the hard, the fun, and the beautiful of our work week.

Connecting with like minded people has been the theme of this week. So many people tell me to connect with others who are different than me. I know that it’s good to have different people in my network, but having like minded people has been more important.

I was on a teleconference this past week for a membership site. I talked about the importance of building your core foundation in order to be able to feel happiness more easily. The energy was high and I enjoyed the heck out of talking to new people.

It’s these connections help me feel at home wherever I go. Some people just make me feel loved. I love helping out people who make me feel that way.

Let’s begin…

Hard

Preparing for a conference call. I wanted to be up on everything. I jotted down a whole bunch of speaking points earlier in the week. I had two pages of notes. I could feel the excitement running through my veins. I worked until midnight making sure I had everything just right. I went to bed and my mind kept going. Another talking point popped in my head and I got up out of bed to add it to my notes. It was cool to see how excited I was, but I still have to learn when to turn the work switch off when I need the rest.

Fun

Being a guest speaker on a SpeakEasy podcast. I was tripping over my own thoughts for the first few minutes, but after that I relaxed and had a good time. The thoughts were flowing fast and I wanted to give everyone my knowledge in only an hour. I have to learn to slow down so I don’t overwhelm the audience.

Beautiful

My son smiling at me first thing in the morning. My wife was holding him in her arms while we were sitting on the couch. I greeted him with a warm, “Good morning, how are you?” and he looked at me in all his “just woke up puffy face” beauty and smiled. My heart grew three sizes that morning. Just thinking about it makes me all emotional.

Oh yeah, Tess from the BoldLife made a comment on last week’s video that was so beautiful. She described a beautiful moment with her grandson: “He is learning to eat and one thing I loved watching was him chew bread. I know this sounds silly but then I realized this is “mindfulness” in action. I could see him examine the bread before picking it up. I could see him feel the texture on his tongue, he chewed and swallowed slowly. After thoroughly chewing he swallowed. He savored!”

She said, “You know if you didn’t have this Friday thing I wouldn’t even be realizing this.” This is why she was so glad for reflecting on her week.

That’s the beauty of reflection. When done in the right way it can really support our happiness.

What about you?

What has been hard, fun and beautiful in your life? I’ll see you in the comment section.

Join over 300 people who have already subscribed to the FREE Happy at Work 10 Week eCourse. It will arrive in your inbox every Monday morning. When you need it the most. (Sign up is also in the top left corner)

***

Hugh Macleod of the Gaping Void wrote a really cool post called “the moment.” He is talking from a business perspective, but it’s also about life in general.

If you enjoyed this post you’ll probably like these too:

• Hard, Fun, and the Beautiful – Before it Gets Cold Edition
• How do I make my people happy?
• Daily Body Scan

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

(Can’t see the video? Then try watching it at Work Happy Now)

I’ve repeatedly made the mistake of letting one problem bring me down. There are always 1,000 other things we can focus on.

Enjoying a difficult relationship at work is not easy, but when you are able to break down your happiness into smaller pieces, you will realize that one relationship shouldn’t dictate your happiness. You may have five other friends who treat you with respect, and these are the people who you should enjoy.

I’ve created this video to explore the pieces of my life that I can focus on when one small part of my life feels upsetting. Check out the video to learn more.

***

If you want to take your social media reach to a new level, check out Chris Brogan’s blog. You’ll be an expert in a few months.

***

Twitter is a great way to stay updated on your work happiness (@workhappynow). I give out tips, quotes, and thought-provoking ideas to help you improve your happiness at work.

***

If you enjoyed this video then check these out:

• How to Build Confidence at Work
• Daily Body Scan
• Your Emotional Boxes

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

(If you can’t see this video click here and it will take you to Work Happy Now so you can view it.)

Working in the now is having the ability to see a look as just a look without putting some big emotional story behind it. We tend to want to create emotional attachment to experiences. What we need to do is pay attention to the way a look or comment makes us feel and adjust our emotional reaction.

*

I read a cool article from e! Science News – Happy Employees are Critical for Company Success. We’ve been talking about these concepts for a while now, but it’s just nice to see others talking about it too.

“Simply put, psychologically well employees are better performers. Since higher employee performance is inextricably tied to an organization’s bottom line, employee well-being can play a key role in establishing a competitive advantage.”
- Thomas Wright

Companies that really listen to employees will be able to improve the working conditions and increase their bottom line. It’s a win-win for both sides.

If you liked this video article you’ll like these too:

• Don’t Be Afraid of the F Word
• Struggling at Work
• Productivity is a State of Mind

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

I’ve learned more about my habits of thought during my thirty day “No Complaining” challenge than I have in the last six months – such an intense microscope on one area of my life. “No Complaining” forced positive change. The deeper I looked at how complaining affected my life, the easier it was to use this wisdom to my advantage.

I posted 7 articles about my No Complaining journey, each one giving a little different insight than the last:

• Day 29 of 30 – No Complaining – Listen to Your Fear
• Day 23 of 30 – Change Spurs Complaining
• Day 18 of 30 – No Complaining
• Day 16 of 30 – No Complaining
• Day 8 of 30 – No Complaining
• Day 1of 30 – No Complaining
• No More Complaining at Work – A Thirty Day Challenge

30 days of no complaining was so intensely interesting that I’m going to do more of these 30 day challenges. I haven’t cured myself of complaining. Far from it. I’ve actually become more convinced of the importance of complaining. We all know the basic methods of complaining.

• Whining (The worst form of complaining)
• Complaining to create laughter (A skill that most comedians have perfected)
• Complaining to share experiences (Excellent social tool)
• Complaining to probe (This form of complaining allows you to informally protest. If people agree they will join in. Then you know that you are of like mind.)
• Complaining to take action (Maybe my favorite form of complaining. We all need to vent about stress and problems in our lives. The idea is that we put ourselves out there to others, which means that we state an informal complaint. Now that other people know what’s bothering us, it’s up to us to take action. That may mean changing the situation or just letting it go and not complaining about it any longer.)

I’ve never met a person who didn’t complain in some way. They might not come out whining about what’s wrong with their life, but they will make judgments.

A father may say, “I wish my daughter would try harder at her school work.” He may say it in a loving way, but we all know it’s a small complaint. He might say this to a friend in passing and his friend might say that he has a similar problem with his son. They talk about it and bond. Maybe they even come up with a solution. The solution isn’t as important as the bonding because as most people know teenage daughters and sons do what they want to do, not what their fathers want.

If that father complains about his daughter to everyone, that’s just whining. He isn’t trying to bond, create laughter, probe or take action. He just wants everyone to feel his misery.

Rephrasing of Language

It all comes down to how you phrase your language. I might say, “I don’t feel like going to work today. I’m tired. My job doesn’t give me any incentive to work hard.” This is just whining. If I rephrase it and say, “I’ve been working really hard on this project and I need a break.” Then we start to turn the complaining into something more positive. If I rephrase it again and say, “Going to work is probably not the best choice for me right now, but I need to work on this important project.” Then we get into more of a “sharing complaining” territory.

You could say in a boisterous voice, “I’m going to work today and even though I’m tired, I’m going to accomplish great work.” It doesn’t sound so much like complaining, but reinforcing a positive state of mind. We all know it’s still complaining, but it’s a lot easier to handle for the people who have to listen.

I was surprised by how rephrasing my complaining in a more positive light changed the attitude of the people around me as well as my attitude. Many situations have become a little easier to enjoy. My wife sure finds it easier to listen to me.

Internal Complaining

We all have been around complainers who just wreck the mood of the office. I didn’t want to fall into that trap, so I put my thoughts, emotions and actions under the blogging microscope.

In my own head, I noticed that I would complain about doing easy and hard tasks. There wasn’t a task that I liked. I wasn’t interacting with my external elements in an intelligent way.

I was hating for the sake of hating. I did this because I didn’t want to impede my dream. I wanted to create my own business. I tried to hate all my jobs so I would keep my focus on the big goal. As I began to reduce and rephrase my complaining into a more positive direction I noticed another impediment – my fear. I’ve been afraid to make mistakes.

I hate making mistakes because it makes me feel embarrassed and scared. Afraid to lose my job and lose face to my co-workers. The ego doesn’t like to feel inferior, at least mine doesn’t. This isn’t a bad thing unless it locks the person up, rendering them unable to take action.

I was sabotaging my own motivation.

What if I tried really hard and the project didn’t work? It was easier to stay out of the game and watch from the sidelines, judging everyone else.

By complaining, I was putting the blame on external things instead of myself. By noticing this habit, I’ve been able to lean into my fear and not let it decide my actions. After becoming more aware of my thoughts and emotions, I’ve learned that if I don’t give in to my fears, I could choose actions that may be scary at first, but they would reap greater rewards in the end.

The more successful you become, the easier it will be to enjoy your job.

My Two Favorite Methods When Trying to Reduce Complaining:

1. If a complaint pops out, I try to redirect my thoughts toward something positive.

Ex. “Arrgh, why do I have to do this report over? I wish they would make up their minds.”

Instead I would say

“Okay, they might not be right, but I don’t know all the reasons behind their decisions. I’ll redo this report and also take mental notes on how I would handle this situation. When I become an owner/manager I won’t make the same mistakes.”

We have to figure out a way to use the experience to improve our skills. That way we don’t feel powerless.

2. Rephrasing a complaint before it pops out.

Ex. “Arrgh, why do I have to do this report over?”

to

“Hmm, it’s interesting that they want me to do this report over.”

A simple turnaround of a complaint or a rephrase can make the difference between staying angry or letting the anger go and finding a way to enjoy the situation.

“No Complaining” for thirty days made me aware of many areas of my thoughts and emotions that were invisible before this challenge. This month has given me the most personal improvement I’ve seen all year. It helps to take a microscope to your inner thoughts. I’ve taken my work happiness to a whole new level. I’m contemplating my next thirty day challenge – any suggestions?

What do you struggle with at your job? What type of 30 day challenge could you try that would help you?

If you enjoyed this post then you’ll love these:

• Day 29 of 30 – No Complaining – Listen to Your Fear
• Day 23 of 30 – Change Spurs Complaining
• Day 18 of 30 – No Complaining

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

I found an excellent talk from the website TED. Matthieu Ricard is a monk who emphasizes the importance of developing emotional intelligence. He presents the idea that we can train the mind so it handles situations in the way that we want to. Some of these monks have such intense control that when a bomb goes off they are able to process their thoughts so quickly that they don’t react.

We can also train our minds to do a better job of dealing with frustration, low motivation, and other emotional barriers.

I’ve been working on “no complaining” over the past month and I feel I’ve made great strides in improving my mind. I’m light years away from these mental juggernauts of the Tibetan culture, but every little bit counts. I feel more stable and happier than last month. It may be all in my mind, but that’s okay, at least I feel happier and more productive.

Give it a look, it’s only 21 minutes long.

If you like this article you’ll love:

• Day 23 of 30 – Change Spurs Complaining
• Creating A Project Ritual to Encourage Happiness
• Why Your Company Should Budget for a Fun Work Environment

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

Over the summer I was listening to a book on CD about Frank Sinatra during my daily commute. He used to stand outside nightclubs begging the owners for a chance to sing for free, pushing his talents on to anyone willing to listen to his story. This was a recurrent theme throughout his early career. He would get a break then blow it because he let his temper get the best of him. He was forced to recreate himself until he discovered his emotional stability. Yes, he always had a temper, but he used that anger to spur his actions. His actions as one of the greatest singers of his era and his fearlessness when fighting for racial equality speak volumes of his ability to harness his emotions.

J.D. over at Get Rich Slowly forced me to take a hard look at my own writing. He turned down my last submission to GRS because he felt that it didn’t offer enough value. He was right. The article was about spending less and saving more, so you don’t have to work from paycheck to paycheck, but all of his readers already know this. J.D. pointed this out and gave me another chance to write a better article. Incidentally this post was also going to be a guest post too. J.D. felt it was good, but had too much of a personal development angle for his finance blog. So instead of giving it to someone else I’ve decided that I wanted to post it right here.

Your Success

Your emotional intelligence is probably the most important factor to your success. We try so hard to be productive, save money and exercise, but we neglect the most important part to our happiness – our Emotional Quotient (EQ).

What happens to you when your emotions bubble up? Do you acknowledge, release and move on, or do you let your emotions affect future choices? When you can learn to use your emotions to spur change you can better yourself. We all get upset at work. Maybe you aren’t treated with respect or the work doesn’t excite you. Regardless of what causes you trouble, it is important that you must find a system to improve your EQ.

Step 1 – Become Aware of Your Recurring Emotions and Why They Arise

When J.D. asked me to write another article my emotions took over. At first I felt sadness. My shoulders slumped and my head followed. Then I began to feel upset as I clasped my hands and squeezed as hard as I could.

I was in the RSS Idol Competition over at Daily Blog Tips during the month of July and I was hoping that the guest post would help me reach a new audience. My plan had fallen apart and that meant that I was probably out of the $3,000 competition.

I knew why my emotions occurred and how they arose, but working with them to help spur change is always the most difficult part.

Step 2 – Work with Your Emotions

J.D. gave me a much needed kick in the butt. To become a top flight writer you need to go deeper than everyone else. A few years ago I might have thrown in the towel and told myself I didn’t need to bother. My blog was growing just fine. The old me would have used an excuse like this to cop out, letting the fear dictate my choices.  Fear was just an emotional obstacle that I needed to overcome if I want to take my writing to a new level. I had to go deeper to give all of you something that would bounce around your mind for hours or even days. The problem was my lack of inspiration.

I went to the library to check out what other authors were writing about. I browsed the books, picking one up here and there and that’s when I realized that I was developing my emotional muscles. I had calmed myself and rose to action to improve the situation. If I let my emotions run wild I might have allowed my frustration take over and given up. Instead I was using these emotions to create a new direction that led to this article.

Step 3 – Practice Your Emotional Development

Just like curbing the Starbucks habit and brown bagging your lunch for work takes commitment, so does working with your emotions. At first it’s painful. Almost every good habit that I have now was painful at first, until I practiced it over and over and it became a welcomed friend. Remember your first job and how traumatic it all was? It was exciting, but a lot of mental work, dealing with co-workers, finding your niche, and getting the work done well. Over time it became routine and easy, preparing you for your next job.

When that first uncomfortable emotion occurs, whether it’s your commuter rage or low self-esteem, it’s malleable if you take the time to work with it. Next time you let your anger get a hold of you, notice where it comes from and what situations cause it to arise and next time you are in a similar situation be aware and open to these feelings. Allow them to sink in and find a way to allocate this energy to improve your circumstances. The quicker you can rebound from upsetting feelings the quicker you can get back to being productive.

Step 4 – Celebrate Even the Smallest Wins

I actually gave a Tiger fist pump, the same one he used at the U.S. Open, in the middle of the library because I realized my development was happening in that moment. My fist just jumped out and I went with it. The middle aged woman next to me stepped back. I whispered my apology and walked away. It didn’t bother me that I looked like some crazy guy because I was using my emotions to encourage positive change.

I was enjoying the process of bringing valuable content to the internet. Something that could really help other people work happier.

Your EQ is the most important aspect to your success. It helps you create solid relationships with co-workers. Over 60% of all new hires are based on referrals. If you are a balanced, warm and thoughtful person, you’ll have no trouble staying employed. There are plenty of brilliant people who are unemployed because they don’t understand how to develop their emotional skills. Don’t fall into the trap of tackling the same problems with the same emotional habits. Use your feelings to spur change and you’ll uncover new depths of strength that you never thought possible.

Articles Related to Emotional Intelligence:

• How Transitions Can Dramatically Improve Your Productivity
• Develop Your Emotional Intelligence
• How You Are Silently Signaling Your Co-workers to Treat You

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

Everything that you enjoy stems from your Emotional Quotient (EQ). When you can develop emotional stability, the creative side of your brain and good decision making habits flourish. It gives you a better chance at success. If you keep falling back on the same responses that you used last year or last month you are losing out on opportunities to make your career more enjoyable.

Improve Your EQ

Many of us look toward our working lives as a way to receive more than we give. When we don’t feel like we are being properly rewarded we take longer breaks or sneak some office supplies home.

We are doing ourselves more harm than good. Yes, we may be receiving more things for our time, but it’s not supporting our need for the two most important things that we all need at work.

Appreciation and Productivity

There was a study conducted between two groups of people and how they valued their job. One group was given tasks to do with no pay at all. The second group was given no tasks and they were paid for their time. At the end of the study the first group was more satisfied with their experience because they were accomplishing instead of just waiting around for something to happen.

Appreciation works the same way. There is a reason charity organizations can pay their employees less money. People are more satisfied with the work that they do for a charity than for a corporation whose mission statement is “Make as much money as we can.”

Give Way More Than You Get

The best way to improve your EQ is to learn to give more than you get.

• Give more appreciation than you get

• Give more laughter than you get

• Give more love than you get

When you give more than you get you are creating positive Karma. All societies are based on helping each other, even in a free market economy. So by giving more you’ll be receiving more emotionally and physically from people who want to return the favor.

When you are productive and you show appreciation for the people in your working life, eventually you’ll be rewarded because you are building a strong network that will help you find a new job, make an extra sale, or go that extra mile when you need help.

Articles Related to Emotional Intelligence:

• Emotional Intelligence Improves the Workplace
• Positive Belief
• How You Are Silently Signaling Your Co-workers to Treat You

*

Image courtesy of Tico Bassie

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

Steve Pavlina was the first blogger that I began seriously reading. He was recommended to me by the reverend who performed my wedding. I’ve been reading Steve’s personal development blog for over two years. His depth and unique framing has helped improve my life in many ways.

He has taught me:

• The value of being completely honest with myself

• How to dig a little deeper into my thought processes

• The power of my feelings

• Visualization techniques that I use on a weekly basis

• Confidence to do what I love

This post is a favor to Steve. We’ve had brief contact through email and he’s always been very gracious in his responses. He has a book coming out in October, Personal Development for Smart People: The Conscious Pursuit of Personal. Steve deserves free exposure. Plus I know the book will be good. Almost all of his posts give me some new insight that has helped me improve my life. I’m looking forward to reading a whole book on his views. In his blog he describes the book’s three main principles.

• Truth

• Love

• Power

From Steve’s post about pre-ordering his book, I can tell that he will knock our boots off with some amazing perspectives.

What does personal development have to do with working happy? I believe that work is based on a 50/50 system. 50% of our work happiness comes from within and the other 50% comes from outside influences. If we can maximize our personal happiness then we can at least be happy 50% of the time. When you can become secure within yourself it will start to affect other parts of your life. People will gravitate toward you and you’ll attract positive results. That’s a recipe for maximizing your career happiness.

If you want to pre-order his book due out on October 15, 2008 then click on one of these links to Amazon.com or BarnesAndNoble.com. If you’re not sure then check out his website and check out his brilliant perspectives for yourself.

A Few Similar Links:

• Use Failure as Your Slingshot
• How to Tell if You are an Energy Sucker
• Renew Your Thoughts to Improve Your Work Outlook

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

Before your work day starts rolling, take a look around you and see if you notice a pattern. Do people have expressions that might convey that they just survived a bug bomb wake-up call? I know many of my past and present co-workers often have this look.

Do you feel like you might fall into the bug-bomb-facial category? Then try a little experiment for the next thirty days and see how it makes you feel.

Cajole Yourself Into a Good Mood

Don’t fall into your normal routine! That’s an order. You need to shake up your day right from the get go. If you like to take a shower in the morning and it brings you happiness, then by all means do it. However, if you turn on the news to wake up and there are nothing but depressing stories then it’s time to change the habits that have become routine but don’t bring you any joy.

I like to stand on one foot while I brush my teeth because it helps me focus my thoughts then I get in the shower. About ten years ago I thought that I would save time by taking a shower at night. It wrecked my whole next day. I felt dirty and could never get my energy going. So there’s no need to change the things that bring you joy because you may regret it. Instead, you should focus on those activities that bring you happiness and find a substitute for the ones that don’t.

Here’s an example of some of my favorite “good mood” activities. After my shower I prepare cereal for my wife and myself. It usually has fresh strawberries and bananas on top. It makes me happy just thinking about its glorious tastes. Then we exercise and get the blood pumping to wake ourselves up. I then take 20 minutes to do some Yoga. It relaxes me and allows me to continue the good mood cajoling. After 20 minutes of Yoga I have a hop in my step and then it’s off to work.

I get in my car and put on my cell phone headset and call the people that I love. It’s usually my mother, father, brother, cousin or a good friend. We catch up and make each other laugh. I sometimes fall into the trap of getting caught up in my worries. When this happens I take a deep breath and focus on all the splendor that I’m passing by – the trees, an old lady waiting to cross the street and the driver with a long red beard next to me at the red light.

Find Your Sweet Spot

We all have that sweet spot that can help our day start off on a happy foot. Sometimes it takes a little cajoling, but believe me, when you practice cajoling yourself into a good mood you’ll make your day so much more enjoyable.

What do you do to put yourself in a good mood before you start your day?

Other “Emotional Tools” Related Articles:

• Use Failure as Your Slingshot
• Create the Work Atmosphere You Want
• Renew Your Thoughts to Improve Your Work Outlook

*

Image courtesy of Bukutgirl

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

I’ve attended meetings where I’ve embarrassed myself. There was one meeting in particular that sticks with me to this day. I was fresh out of college and working at my first full-time job. My attention wasn’t on topic when we were talking about marketing a new valve. I tried to insert an idea into the conversation and suggested we advertise on a certain site. Everyone glared at me as if I had just grown a second nose. My boss told me that I had better pay attention because that was just mentioned. I looked down at my notes and internally yelled at myself for being stupid.

My theory at the time was – the angrier I was at myself the less likely it was that I would make that same mistake. This technique wrecked my confidence. It took me over a month to recover from that incident. I couldn’t shake off the dread of opening my mouth in a meeting. I was terrified to make another mistake.

Kindness – The Greatest Tool for Mistakes

Since that first job I’ve learned to value being kind to myself when I make a mistake and have a lapse in judgment. I am now able to forgive my mistakes, which allows me to deal with the present. It’s a simple tool to add to your life, but one of the most difficult to implement. The best way to encourage kindness is to use your mistakes as an opportunity to improve. When you have enough awareness to acknowledge your mistake, you’ve accomplished the hardest part. All you have to do is find a few things that could make your mistake helpful.

If you recognize that you have a short attention span during meetings then try to stay active by taking notes, sipping on a drink or asking questions. If you mess up a report because you didn’t double check your work then don’t get mad at yourself; use this mistake to make the next report better. Being kind to yourself allows you to keep moving forward.

“Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”

- Conrad Hilton

There may be moments or days of weakness, but you should always come back to learning from your mistakes. At the end of each day, try forgiving yourself for any mistakes. Whether it be a silly comment or a major blunder, you’ll notice that when you cultivate kindness for your mistakes you can use them as support for a better life.

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!