Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Susan Chambers of SAGE Editing and Research Services.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unjustified, unreasoning terror which paralyzes needed effort…”  (Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1^st Inaugural Address, 1933)

Did you know that 12% of Canadians (source: Canadian Mental Health Association) and 18% of American adults ages 18 and older are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in a given year (source: National Institute of Mental Health)  When you convert the abstract numbers to real people, these findings translate as a distressingly large number of individuals suffering the often debilitating impacts of fear and anxiety; health concerns, a sense of being overwhelmed and helpless, an inability to take action or make changes, and a reduced quality of life.  My guess is that it was in fact the side effects of overpowering fear, the “…nameless, unjustified, unreasoning terror which paralyzes needed effort…” rather than the emotion of fear itself that concerned Roosevelt, back in 1933.

According to an article in Psychology Today by Gordon Livingston (2009), a psychiatrist, the inaction that stems from excessive, irrational fears or fear-based thinking often shows up as a decision to live life from a “safe” position and not take risks, even if that means forsaking opportunities that might provide greater joy and expansiveness to one’s life.  But what are these fears—or perhaps more accurately, anxieties—that keep so many of us immobilized to some degree or another?  How are they triggered? And how do we overcome our fears or at least control them so they don’t take over and imprison our spirits and minds, leaving us depressed and further discouraged (a loss of heart)? Let’s start with human nature and the nature of fear.

Fear, what is it good for?

Fear is defined as the emotional response to an actual or perceived threat of immediate or imminent danger or pain.  The capacity to experience fear is part of human nature that has been hard-wired into us.  From an evolutionary perspective, fear served a valuable purpose in assuring our survival as a species.  When confronted with a threat to our survival, we did what was needed to avert or avoid the danger; we either ran (flight) or defended ourselves (fight) if there was a chance of overcoming our attacker. When it’s functioning normally, our friend fear serves us well when it comes to ensuring our continued survival.  An appropriate “dose” of fear stops most of us from taking fool-hardy chances that would endanger ourselves or others.  Used constructively, a little bit of fear or caution can help us to assess and manage any risks before going into a situation we’re not sure about.  (It’s called a calculated risk for good reason.) A sense of wariness or our good old “gut feelings” can give us a heads up about an impending threat or problem so we have time to either avert or minimize a potentially challenging situation—if we’re tuned into that quiet little voice and treat it with respect.

Where our memory recall of emotions is concerned, our brains don’t bother with linear time, nor do they distinguish between real and imaginary events.  This means we can endlessly replay past incidents that scared us and elicit the exact same feelings and physiological response two or twenty years later if we do not find a healthy way to process or neutralize the emotional charge attached to the episode. It means we can also take those same memories and start generalizing them to similar or future situations, with the unhappy result that we become increasingly fearful and avoid events, people or activities we perceive as threatening to our emotional well-being.

It turns out that fear and anxiety can also be learned and passed on to future generations.  According to Livingston (2009), children who grow up with parents who show a lot of anxiety or apprehensiveness, or who convey an exaggerated sense of the world as a dangerous place, are themselves more likely to develop unreasonable fears as they grow up.  T is easy to see how quickly successive generations within a family could experience generalized anxieties and fears but might not make the link as to how they came to be more anxious than their peers.  Yet knowing and understanding this information could potentially liberate any number of individuals from resigning themselves to a narrow life constrained by fear.

Livingston states that an overly fearful view of the world is also fueled in large measure by our media and how 24 hour news shows report both local and global events, and he points specifically to the emotional impact of news stories which “seem designed more to alarm than inform.”  The overall effect is that our news media seem to be infecting our society with anxiety and conditioning us to accept fear, and I would add helplessness, as normal emotional states.  We have, in essence, become a culture of fear—one in which, Livingston points out, we scare ourselves silly over phantom worries rather than using those fears to galvanize us into facing and resolving the real threats to our well-being.

If we can’t be fearless, we can always be courageous

We tend to equate bravery and courage with being fearless, but this is both unhelpful and inaccurate.  It’s unhelpful because it asks us to deny part of our emotional make-up and hardwiring, and achieve something that is not possible or even advisable.  It is an incorrect equation.  The very individuals we look to as exemplary role models of bravery or courage openly admit that they were not free of fear when they faced grave threats.  They simply kept going with their plan of action, in spite of feeling scared, because they were generally resolute in their decisions, knew the risks attached to what they were doing and in many cases (e.g., Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela) believed that their actions served a larger cause for a greater good.  Here’s what General George S. Patton had to say about equating bravery with a lack of fear: “If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man.  All men are frightened.  The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened.”  Both Nelson Mandela and Mark Twain also observed that courage is about mastering or resisting fear, not the absence of fear.

But not all philosophers agree with the idea that we need to conquer or resist our fear.  According to J. Krishnamurti,

What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing

or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means watch it, learn

about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not

how to escape from it.”

Krishnamurti’s advice seems both counter-productive and counter-intuitive at first glance, yet it makes a lot of sense on further reflection.  What happens when we try to run away from something?  It usually follows us.  What happens if we try to resist or control something by force?  We exhaust ourselves or create conflict when we go into control mode.

We can decide that it’s okay to have fear—after all it is a part of the human condition—it doesn’t mean we have to define ourselves by our fear.  Who knows, maybe if we choose to just let our fear be and have compassion for it rather than revile it, if we sit with it, experience it, and learn from it, it may just lessen its hold on us more gracefully than if we struggle to conquer or vanquish our fears.  In any case, sitting quietly, observing and learning causes us considerably less suffering than the energy required for fight or flight and perhaps we will learn something valuable in the process.

In the meantime, I’ll leave you with five strategies and short quotes for working with and through fear.  I’ve used these strategies at various times in my life and found them to be incredibly helpful.  May they inspire and encourage you to find the courage within yourself.

Five strategies for working with and through fear

1.  “Let the fear of a danger be a spur to prevent it; [s]he that fears not, gives the advantage to danger.” (Benjamin Disraeli)

Are you feeling wary about a situation or an individual that you interact with?  Or do you have a vague sense that something has changed ever so slightly, but not in a good way? Honour the little tugs of fear and the subtle perceptions you’re receiving.  Listen to them and what they say they’re based on.  Thank them for the heads up, figure out your plan to prevent or minimize the danger you’ve been warned of and proceed with appropriate caution. Talk them through with a trusted confidant or two; don’t dismiss your feelings just because others are maybe not as sensitive to subtle shifts, but consider their input as helpful information or facts that add to a balanced picture before you make a decision. Be observant to the subtleties in your interactions and your life and learn to appreciate your built in early warning system.  It’s there for a reason.

2.  “Listen to what you know instead of what you fear.” (Richard Bach)

If the fears are being driven by self-doubts about your abilities to succeed in realizing a dearly held dream (starting a business, expressing your creativity) and yet you know objectively that you have the skills or talent to follow through, talk to your doubts or self criticisms, ask them what purpose they think they are serving by holding you back through the use of fear.  If they can’t tell you anything helpful, ignore them and find another place within yourself that supports you, reminds you of your competencies, and encourages you to persist in your dreams.

3.  “The media… bear some responsibility for stoking our worry. …many stories seem designed more to alarm than inform.”(Gordon Livingston, 2009)

If you find your fears are being shaped by mass media and the news, go on a news fast (Yes, that means online sources of news, too.).  Use the time to learn or relearn how to think critically and independently.  Learning to ask tough questions about the information we read or hear will strengthen your intellectual and emotional immunity to being manipulated, getting caught up in group-think or getting swept up by mass media produced moral panics.

4.  “There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them (Andre Gide)

Do your fears and anxieties feel like they are monster sized and just as scary? Yes? We often give our fears far too much power by perceiving them to be much bigger than they really are, so shrink them down to size.  Draw your fears on a piece of paper, but keep them on the small side, and have fun making your fears seem as ridiculous and non-threatening as possible in your drawing.  Draw yourself standing tall—much taller than your fears—confident and empowered.  Keep the piece of paper where you can see it to remind you that you are bigger than your fears.

5.  “When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable….” (Henry David Thoreau)

Make up a chant or song and sing it when you start feeling afraid.  Use the song to en-courage you—to awaken the courage that does exist within you.  I personally enjoy listening to Deva Premal’s version of a Sanskrit mantra for surrendering fear, but go with whatever works best for your spiritual path, appeals to you and fills you with inner strength and calm.

Sue Chambers writes about empowering the clarity of your message, social issues and the environment at sdc-sage-editing.com/sdc-sagewit.  If you enjoyed this article, you may also like to subscribe to her blog.

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* Kelly Parkinson wrote an awesome post about the importance of making your people feel special. If you don’t make your people feel loved they won’t come back. She uses the Ponderosa restaurant chain as an example. I used to love going to Ponderosa for the all you can eat ice cream. Where are they now?

If you enjoyed this post then you will probably like these too:

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Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

Have you ever been so caught up in your anger that you can’t let it go?

Your anger, if unmanaged, ages you faster, slows the healing process, and gives you trouble developing friendships.

Most of us have some anger issues, especially when we are around people that annoy us. I have a friend who can’t stand a client that he works for. He tells me about his annoying voice and all his stupid requests. When he retells his stories we laugh about his client’s personality.

It made me think about how my friend uses our conversations to create emotional space. Emotional and physical space are really all about perception.

Back in 1910, people thought New York was so very far from Paris. It takes 5 days to travel by boat in 2010. In 1910 it must have taken over a week. Now it’s a little over seven hour plane ride. That’s 1/24^th of the time.

I used to think that the day was so long when I had to work side by side with an annoying co-worker; now an annoying person can actually be fun. You will learn a few techniques that will help you accelerate your emotional space, teaching you how to improve friendships and your happiness.

Processing your emotions

In order to accelerate your emotional space, you must learn to process your feelings so lightning fast that it takes very little time to get yourself feeling good again.

This is very important at work because we often have to deal with difficult people and projects that wreak havoc on our emotions and health.

If you can’t process your emotions quickly you are more prone to stress.

“75%-90% of all doctor visits, medical and psychological, are now recognized as stress related.”
- Washington Athletic Club

Last year I went to the doctor because my left arm was going numb. I was stressed out because of a big project I was working on. I was letting worry get the best of me.

Think of all the headaches, backpain, and colds you’ve had, many of these symptoms are caused by stress. Stress can suppress the immune system if you don’t figure out a way to work through your emotions.

W.L.E.

Watch, laugh and enjoy.

I worked for a small company a few years back. There was one woman who scratched my nerves every time she talked. She never had a kind word to say; just complaining came out of her. Those first few months were hard, but it became a part of the story.

I actually wrote a novel about her. It was a fictional love story, but it forced me to look at my life as a narrative. I wrote a story of us falling in love. It was a blast to write. I’m still waiting on a publisher. Know anyone?

By thinking of myself as a character in a story, I stopped attaching myself to the situation in my life. I created this emotional distance so I could process the feelings.  It’s why I call my fear/resistance my arch nemesis. I have an easier time processing my feelings.

When she would annoy me by cutting me off in mid-sentence to tell me another tale about drinking with her sister at the bar, I watched my feelings. The anger would rise. In my head I complained about every little detail – from her lack of social skills to the ugly puke green outfits that she loved to wear.

I was taking this situation too seriously, so I created a plan to help me create emotional space. I would imagine myself hovering twenty yards (20 meters) above watching myself as I stewed in my anger every time she bothered me. After doing this a few times I began to see the same pattern repeat. I watched how my co-workers dealt with her. They didn’t have any better luck, but I noticed that I actually had fun watching them interact with her. She would walk up to them with a question and I sat back as I watched the exchange. They would usually walk away shaking their head.

I chuckled to myself because I felt the same way. I realized that if I can laugh at them then I can laugh at myself. The next time she came to ask for help I was there, but not there. It was like I was floating above watching someone else.

Over the next few years I developed my superpower of floating above myself and laughing at my reactions. I watched how I got upset then I reminded myself to laugh. Before she left I ultimately found my key to enjoying her for who she was not who I wanted her to be. She became a one person show in my story.

Now I use this method to create emotional space in almost every difficult situation I’m caught in.

The Right Questions

The most important part of learning to create space from the pain, so you can process it, is to ask the right questions. The right questions are key. If you keep asking yourself, “Why does (insert annoying person’s name) keep making me so upset?” Your only looking for more problems.

You must create questions that will help steer your brain in a more positive direction.

Let’s try this mini relaxation. I like to call it “Floating Laughter.”

Imagine watching yourself floating twenty yards (or meters) above the difficult situation. How do you feel? (i.e. I felt angry when she talked).

Why do you feel this way? (i.e. She is selfish).

Now add a “but.” (i.e. but she is probably lonely and just wants attention).

By finding compassion for the other person as well as yourself, you create even more space.

So now that you have a little emotional space look back at your anger and say or think to yourself, “When I was (insert feeling here) I didn’t create enough space. It was actually funny when I (insert reaction).”

Ahhh, space

When you are able to separate from the pain, you can reflect on the situation. Once you’re in reflection mode, that’s when you have a choice. You can choose to focus on the pain or you can choose to focus on what is funny about your response.

When you choose to focus on what is funny about the situation, you will create a stronger and happier you.

It sounds simple, but it’s takes some practice. I don’t want you to think this is easy because working with your emotions is tricky. They are sneaky and they will often try to redirect you.

Try to make it a game. Every time you get upset over someone else’s reactions, make a little notch on a piece of paper. If this happens three times, just smile big. So big it hurts. Chuckle at yourself for letting someone else dictate your happiness.

You must practice this for at least thirty straight days before it becomes a skill, and a couple of years before it becomes a superpower. But once you harness this power, you will find it much easier to enjoy the present moment, even when you have an annoying client bugging you about every little problem.

Remember

Watch your emotions

Laugh at your response

Enjoy the feelings for what they are

Your emotions can either push you around or you can use them to slingshot yourself into a better place.

You choose.

* Join over 1,000 people who have already subscribed to the FREE Happy at Work 10 Week eCourse. It will arrive in your inbox every Monday morning, when you need it the most. (Sign up is in the top left corner)

* Marelisa of the Abundance Blog has an article about igniting your creativity. Learn how to use mystery in your business/career and you’ll learn how to keep people wanting more.

If you enjoyed this post then you will probably like these too:

> How to Discover Your Career Bliss

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Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

In a perfect work environment we give 100% and our company gives 100%. Of course this never happens because we make choices based on how well we think we are treated. If your company didn’t give you a promotion, that you thought you deserved, would you still work as hard the next day?

No?

Wow, big shock.

When your manager/boss sees that you just don’t have the pep that you once had, they also pull back their desire to help you. This creates a divide that leaves everyone searching for answers

You may pull back and only give 75% of your energy, maybe taking slightly longer breaks or surfing Amazon for a new book. Your company wants you to work harder, but they’ve seen this reaction 700 times before and they don’t try to open a conversation to improve the disconnect.

Now that you’ve pulled back to 75% and no one cares, you realize that you can pull back to 50%.

You’re now working at 50% of your capacity because you can. You avoid work on some days and accomplish a lot on others, but on average you are giving 50% of your energy.

Your employer is troubled, but thinks it’s probably just a phase and before they do anything about it they realize that they’ve just created your expectations about what kind of work you need to do to get by.

Only 50%

You are caught in the 50% working cycle and you’ve become complacent. You don’t want to go above and beyond because it doesn’t get you anywhere. Your employer has accepted your average work and you’ve found that you can get by without giving all of your effort.

There is no reason to change because everyone is comfortable right where they are at. Wrong!

Are you happy with your job? Do you look forward to coming in every morning? Is your boss satisfied with your production? Does s/he praise you for a job well done?

The answers to these questions are most likely no.

So now what?

Would you be satisfied with your personal relationships if you only gave 50% of your love? Probably not. You give your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, children and friends 100% of the love that is within you because it feels good.

It’s time to increase your effort for your own health and the company’s. The Japanese consider work a privilege that should be used to its maximum potential. To waste one’s resources is to waste an opportunity.

Motivation from within

You can have someone give you more money or be a cheerleader, but none of it will work unless you’ve become emotionally invested in the company. You have to care about the outcome of the project as if it was a part of you.

You can do this by finding the right angle.

Companies understand that when they hire a person with children that he is going to work hard to support his children. He can’t fail.

A person with a trust fund and no attachments may not feel the same amount of pressure to get the job done well, unless he has become emotionally attached in a different way. Maybe he has something to prove to his parents, that he can do it on his own.

Whatever it is that motivates a person, it must connect from within them.

Your job plays an important role in getting your emotions in line. If you have a passion for money then working as a social worker won’t fit your needs. You have to understand what job will fulfill your needs.

For most people the job is not the problem. You may have a job that fulfills some of your needs, but not all of them. That’s okay.

I don’t know anyone who gives 100% all day long.

There needs to be down-time or me-time. If you can get your emotions to become 85% to 95% invested then you have a chance to improve your work day and the value that you provide the company. This is not easy to do when you’ve started at a job at a high energy level, like most people do, then dropped off because your expectations weren’t met.

The Switch

Making the switch from “what are they doing for me” to “what can I do for them” is the hardest part in a wealthy society. We expect to be given everything. Google provides a free t-shirt if an employee doesn’t have time to do laundry.

They also have on-site health care, dental care, laundry service, gym, and so much more. They do this because they understand that if they give, the employee will give back even more. Most companies don’t do this, so you need to find another angle to get yourself motivated.

You need to create an attitude of generosity within yourself. Give until you’ve reached that subjective 90% threshold and see what happens.

You’ll notice that people will treat you better and your manager will trust you with more work. Yes, you will get more responsibility, but this will most likely create more emotional involvement, which will create more happiness.

When you are given too much work, you must be ready to say “no” only when necessary. You don’t want to overwork and exhaust yourself.

An individual must use their own discretion to determine when to give more and when to learn to say “no.” There is no black and white answer that will solve your work woes. I wish that I could give you a pill and you would love your job. Well, not really, because I would be taking away half of the fun.

The solution to the work happiness puzzle is within you. You just need to take the time to mess with the pieces until you find the right fit.

This will not be an easy adjustment, especially if you leave your co-workers behind at that 50% threshold. If you do, you may create jealousy within yourself and them.

I’ve seen this backfire at other companies. The employee picks up his work energy and the people around him mock his new attitude. Then he gives up and rejoins the pack. Or he picks up his work energy and misses the lower stress work-style.

He sustains his energy for a couple of weeks then falls back to the pack. It’s hard to sustain the motivation that is required to improve your work environment.

New Mentality

Managers are vital to a good company because they can set the rules for the department and make hard work fun while encouraging everyone to join the new mentality of their co-workers.

If you want to stay at your job, you must have a plan to increase your motivation slowly.

Talk to your boss and ask for a little more responsibility, or try encouraging the group to try something new. You can become more engaged and happier at your job if you apply a little pressure in the right emotional places.

If one plan doesn’t work then try again until you’ve found the right combination. If nothing else, you’ll take some valuable information with you to your next job.

Your work is constantly changing and you’ll have to adapt. If you do increase your work involvement I won’t guarantee that you’ll get paid more (although it will probably happen). But I will guarantee that you will get more job satisfaction than ever before.

*Are you on Twitter? Then check me out at @workhappynow. I give stress relief tips, happiness ideas, and thought provoking quotes.

* Pamela Slim of Escape Cubicle Nation wrote a really cool post celebrating all the hard work  people have done to break out of the corporate world. It’s called Come see the wonderful things my people accomplished this year! We have to celebrate our hard work and that means bragging about how hard other’s worked to reach their goals.

If you enjoyed this post then you will probably like this one too:

- How do I make my people happy?

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

When you just got a raise?

When you had a fight with a co-worker?

When a client tears you a new one because they had a bad day?

When you completed a tough project?

When you slept 4 hours the night before?

There are so many ways to judge our happiness at work, but it really requires a focused mind to reflect and decide on the right things.

You have to take your present moment emotion out of it and look at the big picture. Really look at the work that you do, the people you work with, and how you are developing yourself at work.

Most of us decide we hate our jobs when things are terrible, but there are always low points. There are always those days when our co-worker eats a big burrito and won’t stop farting.

You have to stop letting those moments wreck the rest of your day. Your happiness is yours. Don’t let anyone else dictate how you feel.

Need a boost to your work happiness. Then check out Happy at Work Project and start one yourself.

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J.D. Roth of Get Rich Slowly has a blog that doesn’t get the hype that it deserves. It’s called Folded Space. J.D. is an excellent writer. His personal stories are soft yet biting. I don’t know how he does it, but I’m studying his writing and trying to incorporate it into my own. Check out one of my latest favorites “Consumed: The Burden of Writing a Book.” Just the way he starts pulls you in and forces you to read more.

If you enjoyed this blog post you’ll adore these (I hope

• How to Build Confidence at Work
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Image courtesy of abbyladybug.

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

(email subscribers: click here to go to Work Happy Now to view the video)

True happiness grows within us when we are able to let go of our attachment to pain. We should all practice this vital skill in order to bring consistent joy into our lives.

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Whenever I need a kick in the butt to get myself in gear I stop by Dave Navarro’s blog Rock Your Day. Plus he can launch the bejesus out of any product.

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If you enjoyed this video then check these out:

• The Work Buzz
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Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!