Have you ever been in a situation where you deserved more respect, but you couldn’t command it?

Feeling respected is a huge part of happiness. When we feel respected we are more confident.

This confidence carries into our interactions. When we are confident we want to improve friendships. We want to hang out. We want to jump into new projects that will challenge us.

Of course we all feel weak in certain situations. We can’t help but feel this way because we can’t be amazing in every situation. Sometimes we have to be humble and accept our situation at the moment. This can be good for you when you are a student learning from a teacher, but when you are expected to command respect you don’t have this option.

You have to know the hidden rules of communication that many people don’t realize exist.

We Aren’t Created Equal

You know that I’ve struggled with my work happiness. I’ve improved, but I still struggle. My career happiness fluctuates on a daily basis. I think a big part of my unhappiness in the past was due to my lack of respect from co-workers, friends, and strangers.

I wanted people to give me the respect that I hadn’t earned. When I stopped expecting respect there was a small shift in my attitude. I started developing ways to gain more respect.

I dissected how I’ve gained respect over the past few years and how it can be applied to other people’s lives and careers. There are 3 rules that we all must cultivate so we can unleash our superpowers to the world.

My Friend’s Story

I have a friend who can captivate an audience talking about cat litter. He literally can talk about the intricacies of cat litter for a long time, all the way down to how well it clumps. I’ve seen him do it. It’s not pretty, but it’s always fascinating.

He can also talk about the importance of communication in the workplace, but that doesn’t matter.

The message is important, but not really as important as two other skills I will discuss.

Before we get into those other skills I do want to talk about the message that you communicate.

1. Believe in Your Message

What you say is not as important as you complete dedication and belief in your message. If you don’t believe in your message then the other two skills won’t matter.

You have to have a message that is from your heart. That means you must know exactly what you want to communicate to people.

The best way to command respect is to align what you care about the most with what your audience cares about the most. If you aren’t sure what they care about, go to their Blog, Twitter or Facebook page and find out.

Once you have the concept of your message, the hard part begins.

2. Master Your Body Language

The second most important way to command respect is to take control of your body language. This is hard for most of us. The problem is that we aren’t all trained actors and most of us don’t study our movements in the mirror.

You don’t need to study at Juilliard to be able to apply the concepts of using your body language to gain respect.

You just have to learn the top 3 rules of body language.

#1. Adjust the Angle of Your Body

People want to feel attractive. If you aren’t sure how to make this happen then you are missing out on a huge part of gaining respect. I’m not talking about flirting and making people feel uncomfortable.

I’m talking about adjusting the angle of your body to show people that you care about who they are.

When you turn away from people, you aren’t projecting confidence. You look like you are trying to hide something. You look like you don’t want to be there with them.

When you are trying to project confidence you need to face people, so they feel like you like them. Of course it also helps to actually like them because the interaction will be more authentic.

#2. Lift Your Shoulders

The way your shoulders look indicates the way you are feeling. When your shoulders are slumped, you are conceding your 2nd tier status. When your shoulders are pulled up, you are showing that you aren’t scared.

You must show that you deserve respect. When you develop strong shoulders you are sending positive signals to yourself to attract more confidence. It’s the subtle signals that your shoulders give that you need to be aware of. When you believe in yourself, you convey signals that people want to follow.

#3. Use Your Facial Expressions Wisely

The most important visual signal is your facial expressions. People want to see how you react to a certain situation.

If you are in front of a crowd and you have a blank look on your face, they may take that as a sign that you are scared. If you aren’t smiling, they will most likely see this as a sign that you don’t want to be there.

I could just advise you to learn to smile more, but that’s not how interactions work. You have to be yourself. Smiling like a fool all the time will fool a small percentage of dummies who you really don’t want on your side anyway.

You have to learn to be yourself and allow your facial expressions to emerge naturally. The problem is that most people don’t realize what they are conveying. When you ask a question and people ignore you, what are you doing wrong? This is the point when you have to look in the mirror and try seeing what other people see. I also like to do this with a video camera. Make sure you delete them after you are done, so nothing leaks out to your Facebook friends.

After practicing using your facial expressions by yourself, you have to take it to the next level. Try them out on your co-workers, friends, and family. Are they paying more attention to you?

The more you practice commanding attention, the easier it will be to get the desired results.

3. Expressiveness

James Earl Jones was able to convey Darth Vador’s complicated evilness through his voice. He found the right tone and the rest is history.

The speakers you enjoy aren’t saying anything that new. They are speaking from their hearts and you are connecting with what they are saying in a new way.

You have to find out how you can deliver your message in a way that’s from your heart and feels new to the people who are listening to you.

This takes a lot of practice. I’ve been at it for over 2 years and I’m finally learning how to express myself so I hold people’s attention.

Putting Your Confidence on Display

Many of us don’t want to put ourselves out there to be judged. Our fear gets the best of our rational minds. We may know that we need to put ourselves out there in order to develop our strengths, but we resist because of how we think other people will react.

The knowing is easy, but acting on this information is hard.

You have to create a plan that will help you build the confidence to garner the respect that you deserve.

Your Plan for Respect

Know your Needs

You have to know how you want to be treated. If you want people to ask for your opinion then you have to be knowledgeable. If you want people to stop making jokes then you must find a way to create leverage and command respect.

Once you know your needs, you can begin to create small tests to see what feels right.

Test Your Ideas

This is where you have to embrace that fear and use it to help you develop your confidence. I have a client who hated marketing. She didn’t want to be on Facebook, Twitter, or do anything to grow her customer base.

We talked about her resistance and we saw a pattern. She didn’t want people to think that she was a fraud. She felt that if she put hours and hours into Twitter or Facebook that she would just be laughed at by more people. This can be scary, but the idea of closing down her business was even scarier. She knew what she needed to focus her energy on.

We talked about how we can measure her efforts and what was working and what wasn’t. Once she understood how to start small, we created a plan that made it easy for her to start and stay with her plan.

Fix and Adjust

After testing out your ideas, it’s important to understand what is working and what isn’t. Too many of us have ideas that sound great but just don’t work.

When you are trying to build your confidence, you have to be willing to admit mistakes. This willingness will help you build the confidence you need to gain the respect that will help you grow your career.

Putting it all Together

If you want to develop the respect that you feel you deserve, you have to be willing to put yourself out there to be judged. It’s the catch 22 of respect. We feel that if we put ourselves out there that we will be laughed at, so we hesitate to develop our superpowers.

You may encounter some small failures in the short term, but if you keep noticing your changing needs, testing out new theories, fixing the mistakes, and adjusting along the way, you’ll notice that you will command more respect every week.

You have to set the tone of your relationships. If someone at work isn’t treating you with the respect that you deserve, then you have to be willing to teach people how you want to be treated.  That means telling people what you expect, showing people how you want to be treated, and setting limits that are clear and easy to apply.

Your Turn

How do you gain respect from your peers?

When you feel disrespected, what do you do to gain that respect back?

* Need help leveraging your superpowers? Then check out my Superpower Coaching to see how I can help you bring in more clients, become more productive, and feel less stressed out.

* Many of you know I’m a big fan of Charlie’s productivity methods because it isn’t just about getting things done. It’s about how we feel through the process as well. I liked his post on not being the underdog and how it feels to be passed over to not contribute to something you would be perfect for.

If you enjoyed this post then you will probably like these too:

> How to Discover Your Superpowers

> The Law of Attraction and Your Career

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!

It could be a look or how you walk into a room. Your co-workers have been trained to recognize these signals and treat you accordingly. We learn these social cues at a young age.

It’s hard to break these habits. We can’t walk around with a friend who is willing to hold a giant mirror so we can see how we look in every situation.

What can I do? I want my co-workers to like me and treat me with respect.

I used two easy tricks that worked well for me. I was not a naturally outgoing person who wanted to enter the room with a bang. You may be shy too, but you can learn to adjust your body signals so people like and respect you. You’ll be giving me silent thanks when your co-workers start smiling when you walk in the room.

If you want everyone to like you then…

1. Treat Everyone Like Family

The best way to be liked is to like others. I know that we’ve all heard this, but it’s true. When you walk into the room think of them as family and know that they love you even if they don’t show it.

When I stopped worrying about what people at work thought of me, I just treated everyone like they were a brother or sister. If they did something stupid I laughed. If I did something stupid I laughed at myself. Family is meant to share in misery and victory. So allow these people into your life. You don’t need to tell them about your latest ailment and what the doctor is doing for you, but share your feelings with them. How to Get Your Boss Naked explains how to open up the emotional barrier that will bring you closer. This works for co-workers too.

Make sure you start slowly when you become friendlier to your co-workers. The best way is not to start right off talking about yourself, but listening to them. People want to be around great listeners because they can do all the talking. You’ve noticed how most people just want to tell you about their lives. Let them do it, and the next time you see them ask how their son, daughter or whatever they talked about was doing. You’ve just made a friend for life.

Getting people to like you is not that hard. Make sure that they know you like them first. People don’t want to put themselves out there and get burned, but now you know better. The only way to make friends is to give 60% and only expect 40% back. This works in any relationship whether it be personal or business related.

By treating everyone as family, your body signals should change. When you love someone you are more confident and willing to approach them. You aren’t afraid of what they think because you have the family connection.

2. Retrain How They View You

I’m a man of average height: 5’ 10” with shoes on. I have soft brown eyes and a pleasant demeanor. This doesn’t command respect in most organizations, so I have to work for it.

You can retrain how a person views your body signals by showing them how you want to be treated. This is hard for the shy person because it means you have to be assertive. It’s very simple. If you walk into a room and someone tries to intimidate you with a loud voice, you do your best to mirror their response. Easy to write, but hard to implement.

You can practice this by actually having a work shop at home with friends and family. A workshop at home? Are you crazy? Well, if you want to put it that way then yes. I want you to practice with people that you trust. Try to explain what is happening at work and roleplay with them until you have it down. Then when you go into work try relaxing and just having fun with the person as you respond back. See above Treat Everyone Like Family to take on this mindset.

The world often will laugh with you if you are laughing. Most people want you to reciprocate the greeting that they’ve given you. If they are excited to see you then let them know you appreciate it with an excited greeting back. This will gain you respect because it shows that you aren’t afraid of that person. We are still animals and people can sense fear by the way you position your body. So by mimicking their reaction you are telling them that you belong on their level.

I had trouble with bullying at work a few years ago. The group picking on me wouldn’t have called it bullying, but it was and it bothered me. They made fun of me, in a little brother way. Laughing at my clothes or a comment I made. I would get upset and just wait for them to get tired and stop teasing me. One time I blew up and let them know that they were going too far. They stopped for a little while, but eventually their old habits came back, so I tried a new tactic. I began to laugh with them, joining in on making fun of me. I never put myself down, but was always willing to laugh at myself. They understood this type of behavior and began treating me as a friend. You can’t take things too personally at work, otherwise your thin skin will bleed, not literally but figuratively. You’ll slowly get angrier and work will only get worse.

Please don’t try to change your personality. You need to be you, but following the social rules at your work will help you get the respect that you need.

Love and Respect at Work

You deserve to have a great working environment and I will write about design, managers, and great companies, but one of the greatest skills you can learn is to enhance your emotional intelligence. People with a high EQ are the ones that make friends and enjoy their job.

Improving your EQ is easy when you take baby steps. Most people don’t come out of college with a high EQ, it’s something they slowly develop through the years. Next time you feel like you aren’t getting the love and respect that you deserve, try to give them the love that they need or use the mirroring technique. Your EQ will jump a few points, making working life just a little more enjoyable.

One tip that I want to share with you before you click away I try to always teach my clients is to have trust in their superpowers. That means doing work that excites you, gets you in the zone and comes easy to you. If you aren’t doing work that plays to your superpowers then people won’t come to you for help. When they aren’t coming to you for help they don’t think they can trust you. Building people’s trust by being amazing at what you do makes it a lot easier to earn respect.

What is your greatest emotional strength? Mine would probably be the ability to see situations from multiple angles. Responding to this question is not about being conceded; it’s about understanding who you are at work and how to maximize your potential. So let us know what makes you good at what you do.

Download the Free eBook Work Happy the Google Way * Post from: Work Happy Now!